一爹帶四娃，痛並快樂著……不過你們知不知道還有一種爹叫「坑娃神爹」
最近， 一位國外超級奶爸在社交網路上走紅。
這帥氣的小哥名叫Simon Hooper，有四個又萌又美的女兒。大女兒9歲，二女兒6歲，還有一對僅十個月大的雙胞胎小公舉。
他經常在ins上分享與這五個女人相愛相殺的逗比日常，笑料十足卻又真實得讓人感動。
雖然在吐槽，怎麼看都像是秀幸福
只能睡床邊的無奈
Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the "man zone".
我想知道是只有我還是全世界男人都要學習在8英寸的床邊上睡覺？不管床多大，不管床上睡著幾個人，我始終覺得我是被嫌棄的，只能被擠到「男人區」。
On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long.
再床的另一邊，@孩子媽整晚海星式睡姿。
分分鐘掌握新技能
A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys - There was still enough room for half my family in there!
裝了一堆尿不濕、奶粉、玩具之後，還有足夠的空間裝下半家子呢！
But @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i"d used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols
但是@孩子媽已經不開心了，因為這是用她的皮包做的，笑死。。。
帶娃洗澡是個體力活，生無可戀
臭丫頭……你哭我也哭
人肉爬梯，總共能掛幾個
If there is one thing that us dads are good for its being used as a mobile human climbing frame. I am trying to see how many family members can hang off me.
超級奶爸的擅長的一件事就是人肉爬梯。我正在努力嘗試看看最多能載家裡幾口人。
Now all I need it for @mother_of_daughters to get on my back and the twins to rest of my shoulders and the award is surely mine.
現在我需要背著@孩子媽，再讓兩個雙胞胎騎到我兩個肩膀上，這個獎當然要頒給我。
不給餵奶就這樣蹂躪我！ 報警了！
萌萌兩小隻，趕都趕不走
These two have been round my ankles all day, literally. I"ve been walking around as if there"s broken glass on the floor to avoid stepping on them.
兩個寶寶整天在我腳邊轉悠……我要像小心地上的玻璃碴子一樣小心翼翼地走，生怕踩到這兩小隻。
騙騙女兒，結果坑了自己
Why, oh why did I give my eldest an ipod touch? My inbox is now full of emoji based spam from my bored daughter.
哦，我為什麼要把itouch給大女兒玩呢？現在我的收件箱里全是我那無聊的女兒發來的欲哭無淚的表情。
I convinced her that because I"m 8 hours ahead of her (I.e. in the future), I could send her the lottery numbers and she"s guarenteed to win as I already know the winning ones.
我騙她說因為我這邊的時間比她快8個小時（我穿越到了未來）我能給她發大樂透號碼，我保證她能中獎因為我已經知道開獎號碼了。
悲催的奶粉專家，超市達人
Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops.
又是個周一，最後一秒衝進超市。
New parents seem to gravitate to me as an "experienced parent" and ask "do you know where so and so is please?"
新的父母總是自然地把我當做「有經驗的父母」，大家總在問我：「你知道這個和這個在哪兒么？」
My reponse - "Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount"
我回答：「當然，3層，半道左手邊，買三個有折扣！」
I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts.
之前我這腦子是用來處理全球企業大問題的，現在卻來算怎麼買更划算了。
和小公舉們一起逛飾品店的下場
What do you get if you cross Claires Accessories with 4 girls?
如果你和四個小姑娘一起去飾品店，你會得到什麼？
10 minutes of dressing up followed by 20 minutes of trying to get them to leave.
花十分鐘打扮她們，再花二十分鐘勸她們走。
裝成熊孩子討飯吃
I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too.
講真，我有時忘記給自己喂飯。我試著縮在她們， 希望@孩子媽也能喂我一口飯。
Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger.
苟且在這些熊孩子和她們的食物之間，你的手指還可能被啃掉。
來自熊孩子們的報復
帶著孩子做飯=自討苦吃
要說上面故事中的小哥，看似在吐槽抱怨，實則是在赤裸裸地秀幸福啊！不過，有些寶寶就沒那麼幸運了，畢竟他們遇到了一種爹——「坑娃神爹」……
為了警示後人，熱心的外國網友還列出了各種決不能讓老爹帶娃的理由，看起來那可都是一部部「血淚史」啊。
先來24個不能把娃留給爹的理由！
24個不夠，那就100個！
雙語君（微信ID: chinadaily_mobile）經過仔細研讀，為大家綜合整理出7大高頻問題，每一條都是對老爹們的「控訴」啊，快看看你或者你身邊的人中槍沒。
1
馬克筆化妝 表情更誇張
They』ll use a marker to make kids more expressive.
surprised 驚訝
happy 開森
confused 迷茫
2
引領時尚新潮流
They』ll play new fashions on kids.
banana head 香蕉頭
Dressing our son like an old man
把兒子打扮成老爺子
甜馨：爸爸是愛你的
3
找不到安全座椅也不用擔心
Can』t find the car seat? No problem!
save the space
省點空間
Pack her in a bag
打包裝袋子里
4
解鎖多功能照顧小孩技能
Unclocked multitasking parenting skills
nursing while playing games
邊餵奶邊玩遊戲
problem solved when shopping
購物，完美解決！
problem solved when babysitting
照顧小孩，沒問題！
5
帶領娃娃探索新食物
They will allow kids to explore new foods!
Hangover 宿醉
Doesn"t taste good!
嘗起來不怎樣！
6
乖孩子要從娃娃抓起
Teach kids to be obedient as early as possible.
They will take care of me.
好吃好喝伺候著
Push harder, babe!
用力點推，寶貝！
7
拿孩子做實驗，滿足自己的小愛好
Do experiments on their kids.
Father turns daughter into El Nino for Halloween
老爸在萬聖節時將愛女打扮成「厄爾尼諾」
Glowy Zoey
會發光的Zoey
Come Here, Son
兒子，過來
「能力越大，責任越大」，沒什麼能比做一名奶爸的責任更重大了。看了以上這些歡樂的照片，你就會知道，爸爸們簡直不能更負責了！
「With great power comes great responsibility,」 and few responsibilities are greater than that of being a father. But from the above pictures, you may have known those dads cannot be more responsible.
此刻，只想對這些「被爹坑了」的娃說，你們的成長之路實在是太艱辛了。不過別擔心，總有一天你們會變成熊孩子坑回去的……
編輯：唐曉敏
實習編輯：趙倩 孫少文
中國日報網雙語新聞
（ID:chinadaily_mobile）
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