美球迷強力YY：如果你有喬丹的一切能力，你要怎麼才能加盟NBA球隊

美球迷強力YY：如果你有喬丹的一切能力，你要怎麼才能加盟NBA球隊 

I have blessed you with Michael Jordan"s talent, you have to make it on NBA team by the time the season starts. What do you do?

我已經給予了你邁克爾-喬丹的一切能力，你必須在賽季開始前加入一隻NBA球隊，你要如何辦到？

你被賦予了邁克爾-喬丹巔峰時的一切能力。你能夠投中每個他能投中的籃，搶下每個他能搶下的板，得到每個他得到的助攻。

附加規則：

-除了這個你還是之前的那個你但身高和體重都不會是你成功路上的絆腳石。例外：如果你之前不能夠身體對抗，你現在可以了。——你的銀行賬戶里的錢跟你之前的還是一樣多。

-你待的地方跟你之前一樣

-NBA球隊可以在休賽期任何時候包括季前賽簽下你。

-如果你沒在常規賽開始前加入一隻NBA球隊你就會死。

You got blessed with peak MJ"s talent. You will make every shot he would and rebound every ball he would and get every assist he would.

Additional Rules:

- You are still you in every other way but height or weight is not an issue to your success. The exception: if you were not able bodied before, you are now. - Your bank account stays the same

- Your location stays the same

- NBA teams are allowed to sign you at any point in the offseason including pre-season.

- If you do not make it onto an NBA roster as a player by the time the season starts you"ll die

[–][TOR] DeMar DeRozanN7Brendan 833 指標 19小時前 

Buy plane tickets to the nearest open tryout for a D League team and go from there

先買張飛機票去離我最近的發展聯盟球隊試訓，然後再進行下一步。

[–]Incausemp[S] 110 指標 18小時前* 

you have less than 60 days. is this good enough? you need to be on the roster day 1. are there any d-league tryouts right now?

你就只有60天不到的時間，這夠嗎？你必須得在賽季第一天就得被某個隊伍簽下。現在有什麼正在舉行的發展聯盟比賽嗎？

[–][TOR] DeMar DeRozanN7Brendan 213 指標 18小時前 

Raps 905 tryout is early September. If you have Jordan skills you"ll be on the roster immediately following tryouts.

Raps 905（猛龍NBDL的球隊）的試訓會在九月初舉行。如果你有喬丹的能力你應該會在試訓之後立刻出現在球隊大名單中。

[–]Incausemp[S] 67 指標 18小時前 

okay you made the d-league team, how do you move up to the nba roster? i don"t think it will be that easy after one tryout. they could just say that the competition was bad.

好就算你現在進入了發展聯盟的隊伍里，但你如何才能加到NBA的隊伍里？我不認為僅僅一場試訓就會讓一切變得這麼簡單，他們可以說只是因為比賽檔次不夠。

[–][SAS] Kawhi Leonardylmzlm 256 指標 18小時前 

if you"ve got prime Michael jordan talent i"m sure d leaguers won"t be too much of a problem.

如果你有巔峰喬丹的能力，我敢肯定發展聯盟的球員對你都不是問題。

[–]Warriorsstml 42 指標 17小時前 

It won"t happen in 60 days. It"ll take at least some time in the G-league before you"re called up. You"ll immediately make the G-league team after the first try out, but from that point forward, you"ll be playing at an MVP level in the G-league and you"ll be called up some time in the season.

There is no way any team signs an unknown stranger with no prior college basketball experience to the team without the stranger first playing in some form of organized professional basketball.

60天是不夠的。在發展聯盟至少需要一段時間蟄伏你才會被球隊召見。你確實能在第一次試訓之後立刻加入一支發展聯盟球隊，但從那之後，你就得在發展聯盟中打打MVP級別的球才能等著賽季中的某個時候被球隊叫上去了。

任何一隻球隊在你沒有打過一些有組織的職業籃球比賽前都不可能簽下一個之前從來沒有大學籃球經驗的無名小卒的。

[–]Celticsifleninwasawizard 1113 指標 19小時前 

Well I"m 5"8" so I"d probably make my way onto the Celtics, become a fan favorite, and then get traded to the Cavs.

凱爾特人球迷：好吧我身高5尺8（大概1米73）所以我大概會加入凱爾特人，成為球迷們的最愛，然後被交易到騎士去。

[–]Celticsmmboston 298 指標 17小時前 

kill me, fam

凱爾特人球迷：殺了我吧。

[–]MavericksTheCocksmith 76 指標 16小時前 

you already dead

你已經死了

 [–]NBAihavegum 461 指標 17小時前 

Find the easiest "NBA" roster to join: http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/NBA. The Nevada Brothel Association looks promising.

Join. Sweet, now I"m not gonna die!

Leisurely figure out how to get my basketball career started.

我找到了最快加入『NBA』的方法，點擊http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/NBA這個網站搜尋關鍵詞NBA。（這是一個查找縮寫詞的網站）。

你會發現內華達妓院聯盟（英文首字母縮寫NBA）看起來前途滿滿。

加入他們。完美，這樣我就不會死了。

然後我再美滋滋地慢慢想怎麼樣才能讓我的NBA生涯啟航。

[–][SEA] Patrick Ewingbigfashionmeme 97 指標 14小時前 

The real MJ made the same mistake

真.喬丹也犯下了同樣的錯誤。

[–]Thundercanofdapperdan 476 指標 19小時前 

Go to china, average 140ppg, 45rpg, 22 assists, someone has to give me a tryout.

Or

Challenge an NBA player to a game of 1 on 1, if he wins I"ll give 1 million dollars to their charity. They"d have to accept, right? Embarrass them by winning 11-0, tell their charities that there"s 

no handouts in life and tell Kobe he copied all my moves.

去中國打球，場均140分，45個籃板，22個助攻，肯定會有球隊給我試訓機會的。

或者

跟任何一名NBA球員鬥牛，如果他贏了我給他的慈善機構捐100萬刀。他們肯定會接受的，對不對？然後打個11-0狠狠羞辱他們一下，告訴他們的慈善機構世上沒有天上掉下來的餡餅然後告訴科比他模仿了我的所有動作。

[–]Spurswidelyruled 106 指標 18小時前 

What if you first have to provide proof of the existence of the 1mil to compete?

那如果你首先必須要證明你有100萬刀那。

[–]FinlandCrystii 41 指標 14小時前 

get the bag from the car

從車裡拿出那裝滿錢的包扔給他。

[–]Datdendai1 63 指標 15小時前 

Yeah, because Chinese basketball is a pickup tournament where anyone just walks in.

嗯，你還真以為中國的籃球聯賽就跟咱平常打野球似的，想來就來想走就走？

[–][LAL] Kobe Bryantdakak36 1588 指標 18小時前 

First I start taking steroids. Then I fly to Canton, Ohio. Try out for and make the roster for the Canton Charge (Cavs" affiliate). Ball out and make the Cavs in no time (I"m freaking MJ).

But that"s just the beginning

At this point the steroids are in full effect and I can now average 50 ppg (I"m literally MJ on steroids). I"m a lock to win the MVP at this point, LeBron and I are leading the Cavs to go 82-0. Then, as the newly crowned All Star MVP, I demand that the Cavs trade away LeBron and IT because I"m tired of sharing the spotlight and demand that he trade away all first round picks through 2020 so I never have to share the ball. The team"s reluctant, of course, but they"ve got me on a G League contract while those other guys are super expensive (IT will be when he resigns) and LeBron is leaving anyway. They agree, ensuring the loyalty of the greatest player to ever play.

Then I admit to taking steroids and retire.

FUCK DAN GILBERT

湖蜜：首先我先會打類固醇。然後我會飛到俄亥俄州，為Canton Charge（騎士的下屬球隊）試訓並打球。全力以赴並成功加盟騎士隊（我可是喬丹二世啊）。

但這僅僅只是故事的開始。

在這個時候類固醇會達到最大功效，我可以場均50分（別忘了我可是打了葯的強化版喬丹）。我肯定是鎖定了這賽季的MVP，勒布朗和我可以帶領這支騎士取得82-0的戰績。然後，作為一名新加冕的全明星MVP，我要求騎士交易走勒布朗和IT因為我厭倦了跟他們分享那些高光時刻。然後我會要求他們交易走到2020年的所有首輪簽這樣我就永遠不用傳球給隊友了。當然隊伍不情願這麼做，但他們提供給我的是發展聯盟來的超廉價合同而其他球員則是超貴的合同（當重簽IT時他會變得超貴的），反正勒布朗明年也會走。這樣騎士就會以為他們得到了我這個歷史最佳球員的忠誠。

然後我承認我打了類固醇然後宣布退役。

去他媽的丹.吉爾伯特（騎士的老闆）。

譯者註：湖人球迷非常討厭吉爾伯特，因為當初就是他向聯盟投訴保羅去湖人的交易

[–]Celticsmmboston 260 指標 17小時前 

found Kobe"s Reddit account

我好像找到了科比的濕乎乎賬號。

[–][LAL] Kobe Bryantdakak36 114 指標 17小時前 

Best compliment I"ve ever received

這是我收到過最好的讚賞（其賬號包含科比的全名）。

[–]Warriorssplinternz 109 指標 17小時前 

M Night himself couldn"t have crafted a twist as unexpectedly good as this

可能連奈特.沙馬蘭自己都寫不出這樣跌宕起伏的劇情。

譯者註：奈特.沙馬蘭，美籍印度裔導演，代表作靈異第六感

[–]Rockets Bandwagonbuddha_abusa 58 指標 14小時前 

I can now average 50 ppg (I"m literally MJ on steroids)

well I can"t fault that logic.

「我現在可以場均50分（別忘了我可是打了葯的強化版喬丹）。」

額，老哥的邏輯好像沒毛病。

[–]HesiPullupJimbo 692 指標 19小時前 

Travel to Rucker Park

Before the game, trash-talk / demand that EVERYONE pull out their phones to film

Dominate

TL:DR; let social media SPEAK IT INTO EXISTENCE

先去洛克公園（紐約一著名的籃球場）

在比賽開始之前，狂噴垃圾話或者讓所有人拿出手機準備拍攝。

然後統治比賽。

總結一下就是：讓社交媒體幫你造足勢頭就行了。

[–]Spurswidelyruled 105 指標 18小時前 

I don"t know, there are a bunch of Drew league "standouts" that go nowhere. People will just doubt your domination by chalking it up to low-levels of competition.

我不確定你這方法行不行，有一大堆在德魯聯賽里『統治賽場的人』都最後變得了無音信。人們會把你展現出的統治力歸結為比賽水平太次。

[–]Maverickspm_me_your_trees_plz 106 指標 15小時前 

If a dude puts up 65/20/10, people won"t doubt it.

如果有人拿了65分20板10助攻這樣的數據，人們不會懷疑他的。

[–]Blazers Bandwagonmilksteak_over_hard 64 指標 11小時前 

and that dude is white or asian, and like 5"5". Dunking from the free throw line. Dunking over 7 footers. Shooting jump shots over 6"6" pickup hotshots and then blocking them on the other end.

而且那個人是個白人或者亞洲人，大概5尺5高。從罰球線起跳扣籃，隔扣7尺長人。顏射6尺6的野球大神然後再在防守端給他們送上無情火鍋。

[–]Bullspauli_hoops 87 指標 19小時前 

Get $150 from my piggy bank and fly to the Jonathan Simmons tryout in Austin, Texas

從我的存錢罐中拿出150刀然後飛到喬納森-西蒙斯在德克薩斯州奧斯丁的訓練營。

[–]KeithMyass 80 指標 18小時前 

Go to the nearest betting shop, lose all my money betting on horses, soccer, cricket, curling. Later at the bar I try to make it up by betting on a pre-recorded match against a coworker and close friend of mine . My employer finds out of my gambling problem and fires me. I tell everyone I retired.

去最近的賭博中心，在賽馬，足球，板球，曲棍球上輸掉我所有的錢。過一會在酒吧我試著我一個同事或者我的一個好朋友在一場事先計算好的比賽上打賭。我的僱主發現我的賭博臭毛病然後炒掉了我，我宣布退役。

譯者註：這是喬丹的賭博梗，有一個廣受歡迎的陰謀論，有人認為喬丹第一次退役是因為他的賭博問題，大衛-斯特恩跟公牛管理層，喬丹私底下做了交易，讓喬丹退役一年避避風頭。

[–]Blacketh 114 指標 18小時前 

I"d shit on every YouTuber who does anything basketball related so people hear about me(really I just want to dunk on OSN) Use my korzemba hype about how I"m not human to get to the D league and immediately ask for a tryout for the worst team in the league. All that"s left is to dunk on melo and porzingis and I"m in.

我會欺辱每一個做籃球視頻的油管up主這樣人們就會對我有所耳聞（真的我只是想隔扣OSN而已）。然後利用我營造的如同Korzemba（一個油管籃球評論up主）一般的勢頭告訴人們我的能力到底有多非人類，這樣我就能進入發展聯盟然後立刻要求去最差的那個隊試訓。最後只剩下在甜瓜或者波爾津吉斯頭上扣籃我就可以進入NBA了。

譯者註：OSN：一個叫Oprah Sideverson油管up主

[–][CHI] Jimmy ButlerSpuuunkymonkey 363 指標 19小時前 

I dont do anything cause i wanna die

我啥都不做因為我只想死。

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