我去做了一次援交，還清了房租和卡債！

前男友是英國人，為了買機票去泰國看他，我為這段無果的愛情花光了所有積蓄。用花唄交了房租，沒勇氣問家裡要錢，去做了一次援交，還了房租和卡債。??

Former boyfriend is English, in order to buy the ticket go to Thailand to see him, for the fruit of love I spent all his savings. Use flower bai pay the rent, don t have the courage to ask for money in the home, to do a prostitution, also the rent and card debt. ? ?

當時決定做這件事，是沒有別的辦法了。我有做兼職，報酬也不低，但付款期比較長，趕不上還款的日子了。於是抱著試一試的心態註冊了一個援交平台。??

At that time, decided to do it, there is no other way. I have a part-time job, remuneration is not low, but the payment period is longer, miss the day of payment. So try holding the attitude to register a aid platform. ? ?

平台上和我聯繫上的有4個人，最後真的做援交的只有一個。他瘦瘦小小，很有禮貌，30來歲，是個研究員，喜歡看成功學的書。我們在商場里吃了頓飯，一直是我在講話，聊了很多，就是沒聊到性。回家以後我發信息說我要和你說清楚，我在上面是尋求經濟協助的，要是讓你誤會了我道個歉。 他給我打了一些錢，說啊是嗎沒想到。但我挺喜歡你的，有點心疼，女孩子就不該為了錢太拼之類的。我不認同，也沒反駁。??

Platforms have 4 people in the history of contact with me, the last really do prostitution only one. He is thin thin small, very polite, 30 years old, is a researcher, like read the book of success. We had dinner in the market, has always been my talking, talked a lot, is not talking about sex. Home later I send information said I want with you say clear, I above is to seek economic assistance, if let you misunderstand me an apology. He gave me some money, say is you didn t know. But I like you, a little love, a girl should not for the money too, such as spelling. I don t agree with, also didn t argue. ? ?

後來我打電話說，我可能讓你誤會了，不要把我當成你的女朋友。你給了我錢，你可以對我做你要做的事。我們說好，用安全措施，不留任何影像資料就好。他說，好，那這周末做一次吧。??

Then I called and said, I may let you misunderstood, don t treat me as your girlfriend. You gave me the money, you can do what you have to do to me. We ve agreed to use security measures, it is good to leave no image data. He said, well, that s do it again this weekend. ? ?

就事而言，我覺得自己沒有做錯什麼（他單身）。??

Will, I felt that he hadn t done anything wrong (single). ? ?

最大的痛苦來源是，自己畢業快3年了，依然青黃不接。此前我做金融非常痛苦，不知道自己喜歡做什麼，擅長做什麼，一直有種消耗感。11月起我開始很認真地拍照，運營自己的Instagram。粉絲的增長不快，但是很穩定，每天2、3個，現在已經破百了。我覺得我目前的生活狀態不算太糟，這也不算避難所。但每天3張照片，的確是零碎忙碌生活中，一個恆而不變的部分。這樣的部分， 不管在哪裡，都能幫我keep in one piece。??

The greatest source of pain is, oneself graduation nearly 3 years, is still a period. The financial pain very much, I do not know what I like to do, is good at what to do, always has a sense of consumption. I began to seriously take pictures since November, operating their own sets. Fans of growth, but very stable, and every day 2, 3, break the best now. I think my present state of life is not too bad, this is not a shelter. But 3 photo every day, is gathered in a busy life, part of a constant and unchanging. This part, no matter where, can help me keep in one. ? ?

這個是我性格的一部分。我一直都對現狀不滿意，又堅信自己能得到更好的，所以其實每到一個年齡段，我對前一個年齡段的記憶都很有陌生感。那些事情想得起來，但就像看電影一樣，不會把自己代入進去。??

This is a part of my personality. I ve been dissatisfied with the status quo and believes he can get better, so in fact every a age, my memories of previous ages are very strangeness. Those things really want to get, but, like the movies, not put himself into account. ? ?

25歲覺得，我TM比20歲的自己，牛逼到哪裡去了。

???

Think 25 years old, my TM than 20 year-old version of myself, where is the cow force. ? ? ?