關於處女觀，我們採訪了幾個丹麥人

最近，在中國的社交媒體平台上，「處女情結」這個詞佔據了一席之地，一探究才發現，原來梗在《歡樂頌2》的第16集，應勤請五美吃飯，曲筱綃不小心道出了邱瑩瑩不是處女的事實，應勤當場憤怒離席，從此和小蚯蚓不再聯繫。

GIF/843K

這段播出後，網上討論聲不絕於耳。有人說，大清亡了二百多年了，竟然還有人在意處女這件事，他是從古墓里爬出來的嗎？也有人說，應勤本身就是這樣要求自己，為什麼不能找一個和自己一樣的人呢？還有人說，不管我們承認不承認，「處女情結」依舊廣泛存在於中國的各個角落，這個流傳千年的烙印豈能因為短短几十年的改革開放就徹底消失？

麥麥覺得其實都有一定的道理，但不管怎麼說，性這個話題，如今已經能夠被放在桌面上討論了，這本身就是一種進步。此外，「處女情結」其實不僅僅存在於中國，在很多西方國家的歷史上也是存在的，只是因為不同的歷史發展呈現出了不同的發展狀態。

GIF/1082K

丹麥其實是一個國民在性觀念上非常開放的國家，根據知名偷情網站Victoria Milan的一項調查，在過去的一年中，平均每位丹麥女性有4.31個性伴侶，男性則有4.01個，25%的男女至少有10個不同的性伴侶，並且超過1/3的人說他們每年至少發生一次一夜情。

儘管這樣的調查並不完全具有可信度，但依舊可以揭示一定的社會現象。那麼，在這樣一個與中國完全不同的社會裡，是一種怎樣的性觀念呢？麥麥仗著自己的人文和地理優勢，採訪了身邊幾個丹麥朋友關於這個問題的看法。因為隱私問題，麥麥不便泄露他們的個人信息，但他們大都是和麥麥一起工作的年輕人。以下為採訪實錄：

@A （female）

It isn』t very important, when twopeople commence a sexual relationship. In Denmark, quite many young people havehad their first sexual experience when they are 16-17 years old and especiallyin that age it is difficult to determine whether the person you decide to starta sexual relationship with is also the one you are going to spend the rest ofyour life with. I personally think it is a good thing that you try to have arelationship with different persons (be it sexually or not), because theseexperiences are a good way to know your own personality and also your ownlimits. It simply is an important part of becoming more mature. For thisreason, I also find it extreme and very old fashioned to dump a person becausehe/she isn』t a virgin. The first and most important thing must always bewhether two persons fit together in terms of personality and values in life. ActuallyI think that the fact that two persons have had relationship with other personsin the past make them more aware of who they are themselves and therefore theyare more able to feel when they meet the right one.

@A （女）

我認為，兩個人在一起與是否是處女（男）並不重要。在丹麥，很多年輕人十六七歲，甚至更早就有了第一次，要知道，在這個年齡段，你很難確定和你發生關係的那個人是否就是要和你共度餘生的人。個人認為，和不同的人交往是一件好事（無論你們是否發生性關係），因為這可以幫助你更好地認識自己，了解自己的性格和喜好。這是我們成長過程中非常重要的一部分。因此，我覺得如果因為一個女孩子不是處女就拋棄她的做法是非常極端而且古板的。兩個人在一起，最重要的是性格和價值觀是否契合。其實我覺得有過交往經驗的人能夠會更了解自己，在遇到那個對的人的時候也會更敏感。

@R （male）

In Denmark,young people, both boys and girls, feel pressured to lose their virginity intheir teenage years, as it is uncommon to be a virgin in their 20』s (but notimpossible). It is more desirable to have a partner with previous experience,and losing your virginity is often an awkward experience while drunk, which iswhy there is much focus on sexual education in public schools from a very earlyage (10-12 yrs), so the experience will not have negative consequences in thefuture. In Danish culture, there are almost no people who prefer a virgingirlfriend. The only people who display such preferences are very religiouspeople, usually found among immigrants or small Christian communities. Largely,such opinions are looked down upon, as it is considered an example of ancientthought. Not even my grandmother has such opinion anymore, even if it wasnormal when she was young. My personal opinion is that while it is OK for oneto personally want to protect their virginity, it is not OK to judge others fortheir personal choice, if it is different, because people might as well bejudged for being virgins, like in Denmark, which is also not okay. I think thatboth Denmark and China may have people, who judge others for personal choices,not because of rational thought, but because of their own insecurity. So theenemy is not the opinions of an older generation, but insecurity, which we allexperience sometimes and should try to help each other to defeat. I think ifthe boyfriend in the show does not want a girl just because she is not avirgin, he is too insecure and does not love himself, and so he is not ready tolove another person.

@R （男）

在丹麥，青少年們往往會因為自己還是處女（男）而感到焦慮，因為一個到20歲還依舊保有童貞的丹麥人是很罕見的（但不是不可能），而且人們通常會更喜歡一個有經驗的性伴侶。此外，一個人如果在喝醉的時候失去童貞，會是一件非常尷尬的事情，而且還可能會對之後的生活造成不好的影響，這也是為什麼丹麥公共學校的性教育從很早就開始了（10到12歲）。丹麥男人並不希望自己的女朋友是一個處女，除非是非常嚴格的宗教徒，他們大都是移民或者基督教少數群體。因為這種觀點通常被認為是迂腐、古板的，連我奶奶都不這麼想了，當然，她年輕的時候這種觀點還是很流行的。我個人的看法是一個人可以選擇要保護自己的童貞，但不能因為別人不是處女（男）而品頭論足。要知道，你也可能因為自己還是處女（男）而被別人鄙視。這種做法，在丹麥也是不值得鼓勵的。我覺得無論在丹麥還是在中國，都會有這種總是對別人的個人選擇指指點點的人，其實這並不是來源於其理性思考，而是源於自身的不安全感。所以，問題的根源不在於老一輩流傳下來的保守觀念，而在與這種不安全感，相信我們都曾有過這種感覺並且一直在努力克服或者幫助他人克服。因此，我覺得歡樂頌里的應勤如果只是因為那個女孩不是處女就把她甩了，只能說明他缺乏安全感而且不懂得愛自己，他並沒有準備好去愛別人。

@Y（male ）

我認為處女與否沒有那麼重要，真心喜歡才是主要的。聽說有個詞叫「直男癌」，不要對女生有過分的要求，男生用一把鑰匙開那麼多鎖，為什麼不允許女生的鑰匙多試幾把鎖。

（PS：這是一個中文非常好的丹麥籍華裔，為了幫助麥麥減少翻譯的工作，堅持要用中文，感動）

@Jeremy (male )

As I Dane I do not think virginity ismuch of a special thing. Most people in my generation lost their virginitybefore or around 18 years, which means it is unusual to be a virgin after 20years. With the current generation I believe the age is even lower, and theremay actually be pressure for young people to get sexual experiences quite earlyin their lives.

In any case, the first time (when youlose your virginity) might be special to persons, but in Denmark young peoplein their late teens and 20』s usually have had a lot of partners and one nightstands, and I think most Danish do not care much about virginity once they turn18 or 20, as people are not expected to be virgins at that point in lifeanymore.

Besides, Denmark is quite open interms of sexuality, so being a virgin – or not – is not much of a taboo, really(unless you are quite old and still a virgin - such as 40 years), and peopleoften talk with friends about their sexual experiences.

@Jeremy (男 )

作為一個丹麥人，我不覺得童貞有多麼了不起，我的同齡人大多數在18歲以前或者18歲左右就沒有這種東西了。換句話說，如果到20歲以後還是一個處女（男）就很奇怪了。對於新一代的青少年來說，失去童貞的年齡可能會更低，他們可能會因為沒能儘早地獲得性經歷而感到焦慮。

對於大多數人來說，第一次的意義可能都比較重大，但是在丹麥，一個20歲左右的年輕人一般已經有了很多個性伴侶或者多次一夜情經歷。所以，我覺得大多數丹麥人一旦到了18歲或者20歲，就不會再在乎一個人童貞與否，因為這個年齡段的他們其實並不希望自己還是處女（男）。

此外，丹麥人的性觀念很開放，人們並不忌諱談論一個人是否保有童貞，除非你到了40歲依舊是一個處女（男）。而且，人們也經常和自己的朋友談論自己的性經歷。

麥麥覺得，這些觀點在中國確實有些前衛，但這同時也讓我們意識到，很多在自己的國度不可想像的事情，在世界的某一角落已司空見慣。

所以，你是怎麼想的呢？

喜歡這篇文章嗎？立刻分享出去讓更多人知道吧！