為人父母，你只能做一件事，分享你的生命

Q: Beloved osho,

Having heard you talk about competition and our childhood the other morning, it set me thinking of my own education. I realized that for twenty-one years solidly, every single event at school -- from playing in the garden, through official sports, to latin grammar -- was basically an exercise in how to beat the next person. It seems as if it was the single most damaging experience of my life. I can t think of a more perfect system to destroy children and make us completely inharmonious with the world around us. How can we help children to grow to their full potential, without encouraging this competitive spirit?

問題：鍾愛的奧修，有天早上聽你談競爭跟我們的童年，這讓我回想起自己受過的教育。我意識到，整整21年，學校里的每一項活動——從在花園裡玩耍，體育比賽，到拉丁語法課——基本上是在鍛煉我們如何打敗下一個人。看起來它就像是我生命中最有破壞性的經歷。我想不出還有什麼更完美的系統，來摧毀孩子們，讓我們跟自己周遭的世界一點也不和諧。我們如何才能幫助孩子們發揮出他們的全部潛能，同時不鼓勵這種競爭精神呢？

OSHO奧修:

The moment you start thinking how to help children to grow without any competitive spirit you are already on the wrong track, because whatever you are going to do is going to give the children a certain program. It may be different from the one that you received, but you are conditioning the children -- with all the best intentions in the world.

一旦你開始思考如何幫助孩子成長，同時不鼓勵任何競爭精神，你就已經走錯了，因為無論你做什麼，你都會給予孩子一種程序。它可能跟你所收到的不一樣，但你仍然是在制約孩子——即便你意圖再好。

The trees go on growing without anybody teaching them how to grow. The animals, the birds, the whole existence, needs no programming. The very idea of programming is basically creating slavery -- and man has been creating slaves for thousands of years in different names. When people become fed up with one name, another name immediately replaces it. A few modified programs, a few changes here and there in the conditioning, but the fundamental thing remains the same -- that the parents, the older generation, want their children to be in a certain way. That s why you are asking 「How?".

樹木一直在生長，沒有誰教它們如何生長。動物，鳥，整個存在，都不需要編程。從根本上來說，編程這種想法是在製造奴役——幾千年來人類一直在以各種名義製造奴隸。當人們受夠了一種名義，另一種名義馬上取而代之。一些改進的程序，在制約里做一點改變，但基本的東西還是老樣子——父母，老一代，都想讓他們的孩子們成為某種人。這就是為什麼你問「如何？」。

According to me, the function of the parents is not how to help the children grow -- they will grow without you. Your function is to support, to nourish, to help what is already growing. Don t give directions and don t give ideals. Don t tell them what is right and what is wrong: let them find it by their own experience.

就我而言，父母的作用不在於如何幫助孩子成長——沒你他們也會成長。你的作用是去支持，滋養，幫助那已經在成長的。不要給方向，不要給理想。不要告訴他們什麼是對的什麼是錯的：讓他們根據自己的經驗去發現。

Only one thing you can do, and that is share your own life. Tell them that you have been conditioned by your parents, that you have lived within certain limits, according to certain ideals, and because of these limits and ideals you have missed life completely, and you don t want to destroy your children s life. You want them to be totally free -- free of you, because to them you represent the whole past.

你只能做一件事：分享你自己的生命。告訴他們你被自己的父母制約了，你活在某些限制里，根據某些理想而活，因為這些限制和理想，你完全錯過了生命，你不想摧毀你孩子的生命。你想要他們完全自由——擺脫掉你，因為對他們來說你代表著整個過去。

It needs guts and it needs immense love in a father, in a mother, to tell the children, 「You need to be free of us. Don t obey us -- depend on your own intelligence. Even if you go astray it is far better than to remain a slave and always remain right. It is better to commit mistakes on your own and learn from them, rather than follow somebody else and not commit mistakes. But then you are never going to learn anything except following -- and that is poison, pure poison.」

父母需要勇氣，需要極大的愛，才能告訴孩子，「你需要擺脫我們。不要服從我們——依靠你自己的智力。即便你誤入歧途，也比做奴隸、始終正確好得多。最好自己犯錯，並從中學習，而不是跟隨別人、不犯錯。不然，除了跟隨模仿，你學不到任何東西——那是毒藥，十足的毒藥。」

It is very easy if you love. Don t ask "how", because "how" means you are asking for a method, a methodology, a technique -- and love is not a technique.

如果你愛他們，那非常容易。不要問「如何」，因為「如何」意味著你在尋求方法，技巧——愛不是技巧。

Love your children, enjoy their freedom. Let them commit mistakes, help them to see where they have committed a mistake. Tell them, "To commit mistakes is not wrong — commit as many mistakes as possible, because that is the way you will be learning more. But don t commit the same mistake again and again, because that makes you stupid.」

愛你的孩子們，享受他們的自由。讓他們犯錯，幫助他們看到他們哪裡出了錯。告訴他們，「犯錯沒什麼不對——犯儘可能多的錯，因為只有這樣你才能學到更多。但是不要重複犯同樣的錯誤，因為那會讓你很蠢。」

So it is not going to be a simple answer from me. You will have to figure it out living with your children moment to moment, allowing them every possible freedom in small things.

所以不是我直接給你答案。你必須在跟你的孩子們一起生活的點點滴滴中去搞清楚，允許他們在小事上有儘可能的自由。

For example, in my childhood... and it has been the same for centuries, the children are being taught, "Go to bed early, and get up early in the morning. That makes you wise.」

比如說，我小時候……這種情況持續成百上千年了，孩子被教導，「要早睡早起，那會讓你聰明。」

I told my father, "It seems to be strange: when I am not feeling sleepy, you force me to sleep early in the evening." And in Jaina houses early in the evening is really early, because supper is at five o clock, at the most six. And then there is nothing else to do — the children should go to sleep.

我告訴我的父親，「這看起來很怪：在我不困的時候，你強迫我晚上早睡。」在耆那教家庭里，晚上早睡真的很早，因為晚飯是5點，頂多6點。吃完飯就沒事可做了——孩子們應該去睡覺。

I said to him, "When my energy is not ready to go to sleep, you force me to go to sleep. And when, in the morning, I am feeling sleepy, you drag me out of the bed. This seems to be a strange way of making me wise! And I don t see the connection -- how am I going to become wise by being forced to sleep when I am not feeling sleepy? And for hours I lie down in the bed, in the darkness... time which would have in some way been used, would have been creative, and you force me to sleep. But sleep is not something in your hands. You cannot just close your eyes and go to sleep. Sleep comes when it comes; it does not follow your order or my order, so for hours I am wasting my time.

我告訴他，「我的能量還沒準備好睡覺時，你強迫我睡覺。早上我還沒睡醒，你就把我拽下床。這種讓我變聰明的方法很奇怪！我看不出任何聯繫——我不困時你強迫我睡覺，這怎麼會讓我變聰明？我躺在床上，在黑暗裡好幾個小時……這些時間本來可以干別的，可以發揮我的創造力，但你強迫我睡覺。但睡眠你控制不了。你沒辦法閉上眼睛就睡著。睡意來了就來了；它並不聽從你我的命令，所以好幾個小時我都在浪費我的時間。」

「And then in the morning when I am really feeling sleepy, you force me to wake up — five o clock, early in the morning -- and you drag me out for a morning walk towards the forest. I am feeling sleepy and you are dragging me. And I don t see how all this is going to make me wise. You please explain it to me!

「早上我還沒睡醒時，你強迫我起床——5點，一大早——你把我拽下床，要我去樹林里散步。我很困，你把我拽起來。我看不出這一切怎麼會讓我變聰明。請你跟我解釋！」

"And how many people have become wise through this process? You just show me a few wise people -- I don t see anybody around. And I have been talking to my grandfather, and he said that it is all nonsense. Of the whole household, that old man is the only sincere man. He does not care what others will say, but he has told me that it is all nonsense: `Wisdom does not come by going early to bed. I have been going early to bed my whole life -- seventy years -- and wisdom has not come yet, and I don t think it is going to come! Now it is time for death to come, not for wisdom. So don t be befooled by these proverbs.』"

「還有，有多少人因此變聰明了？我給我舉幾個聰明人的例子——我看不到身邊有誰是聰明的。我跟我外公也講過這件事，他說這全都是胡扯。全家上下，只有這個老人是誠實的。他不在乎別人怎麼說，但他告訴我那全都是胡扯。『早睡不會帶給你智慧。我一輩子都是早睡——70年了——但智慧還沒有出現，但我不認為智慧會出現！死亡快來了，但不是智慧。所以別被那些箴言給愚弄了。』」

I told my father, "You think it over, and please be authentic and true. Give me this much freedom -- that I can go to sleep when I feel sleep is coming, and I can get up when I feel that it is time, and sleep is no longer there.」

我告訴我父親，「你好好想一想，請誠實。至少給我這點自由——困了我才睡覺，當我醒了，不困了我才起床。」

He thought for one day, and the next day he said, "Okay, perhaps you are right. You do it according to yourself. Listen to your body rather than listening to me.」

他想了一天，隔天他說，「可以，或許你是對的。你自己決定吧。聽從你的身體，而不是我的話。」

This should be the principle: children should be helped to listen to their bodies, to listen to their own needs. The basic thing for parents is to guard the children from falling into a ditch. The function of their discipline is negative.

這應該成為準則：應該幫助孩子們去聽從他們的身體，去聽從他們自己的需要。對於父母來說最基本的事情是，守護、防止孩子掉進溝里。他們的紀律的作用是消極的。

Remember the word "negative"... no positive programming but only a negative guarding -- because children are children, and they can get into something which will harm them, cripple them. Then too don t order them not to go, but explain to them. Don t make it a point of obedience; still let them choose. You simply explain the whole situation.

記住「消極」這個詞……沒有積極的編程，只有消極的守護——因為孩子是孩子，他們可能會做出什麼事傷害到自己，讓自己致殘。即便那樣也不要命令他們別去做，你只要解釋給他們。不要命令他服從；依然讓他們自己選擇。你可以把整個情況解釋清楚。

Children are very receptive, and if you are respectful towards them they are ready to listen, ready to understand; then leave them with their understanding. And it is a question only of a few years in the beginning; soon they will be getting settled in their intelligence, and your guarding will not be needed at all. Soon they will be able to move on their own.

孩子們接受能力很強，如果你尊重他們，他們會聽，會理解的。然後你就收手。問題只是一開始的頭幾年；他們很快就會相信自己的智力，你的守護就再也不需要了。他們很快就能特立獨行。

I can understand the fear of the parents that the children may go in a direction which they don t like -- but that is your problem. Your children are not born for your likings and your dislikings. They have to live their life, and you should rejoice that they are living their life -- whatever it is. They may become a poor musician….

我明白父母們的恐懼，孩子們可能會走到他們不喜歡的方向上去——但那是你的問題。你的孩子不是為迎合你的喜好才生下來的。他們必須過他們的生活，你應該歡慶，他們在過自己的生活——無論怎樣的生活。他們可能會變成一個窮音樂家……

PS：to be continued. From OSHOBeyond Psychology.This book can be downloaded online, no Chinese edition translated or published yet.

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