父母的離婚，不再讓我引以為恥，反倒讓我引以為榮

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作者：Andrew K，澳大利亞

翻譯：詹啟聖，中國台灣

語音播讀：劉弟兄，中國

背景音樂：Discovery House

*此文章由雅米事工原創出品，如需轉載，請註明出自「雅米——聽見年輕基督徒的聲音！www.ya-mi.org」

有兩個小時候的記憶定格了我對我們家的看法。第一個是我三歲那年，媽媽生下弟弟之後，我跟爸爸來到醫院，我跑進病房開心地大聲喊：「我弟弟呢？」然後就看見媽媽正懷抱著他。

第二個記憶是在我九歲那年的一個早上，我像平常一樣走進爸媽的房間，準備用他們的洗手間洗漱，然後去上學，結果卻撞見母親正告訴父親說她要搬出去住，並要求跟他離婚。

這兩個記憶在我人生中扮演全然不同的角色，第一個記憶是我們合家歡樂的時光，那時父母親相處愉快，我的弟弟很可愛而且還不會搗蛋。更重要的是，那是一段一切都很完美的時光。而第二個記憶，卻是我的人生遭遇劇變的時候，那段日子家人之間相處時只有咆哮和指責，而我也與家人越來越疏離。

如今，離婚這個字眼可能已經司空見慣，許多明星更換伴侶就像趕時髦一樣。據統計，在澳洲每三對夫妻中就有一對以離婚收場。在現今的社會裡，我們似乎越來越覺得婚姻失敗不算什麼事兒了。

但事實上，對於經歷離婚的家庭來說，這仍舊是一個漫長而痛苦的歷程。

作為一個孩子，面對父母親離婚時最困難的事情就是弄明白如何妥當地跟他們繼續相處。當父母親共處一室的尷尬情況出現時，我開始習慣性地盯著地板，擺動雙腳；我學會讓自己不去聽他們彼此惡語相加。當我的父母各自再婚之後，我又學會有技巧地閃躲他們關於我的繼父繼母如何之類的詢問。一言敝之，我痛恨這樣的狀態。

有很長一段時間，我痛恨與家人們待在一起，因為那樣只會不斷提醒我我的家不正常。我後來搬出去和祖父母同住，而弟弟則和媽媽住在一起。除了假日以外，我們平常很難見面，見面時也就只有爭吵和打架而已。在外面，我的行為舉止也大有改變，我開始翹課，並且將自己的怒氣發泄在周圍的人身上。

父母離婚是我經歷過最艱難的事情之一，那麼多年過去了，這事件仍然是我人生中極其痛苦的記憶。十五年之後，跟此事相關的許多事情仍歷歷在目，宛如昨日才發生。

然而，最近在大學校園團契研讀聖經羅馬書時，我發現一個讓我驚訝的事實。我學習到這樣一個真理：這個世界上沒有任何事情是正常的。如同保羅在羅馬書1章18節所說的，我們所生活的世界，是每一個人都抵擋上帝真理的世界。因此，這是個破碎、絕望、充滿罪惡的世界。這意味著我們對於家庭的認知最多不過是一種理想化。畢竟不論離婚與否，每一個家庭都是由一個個破碎和有罪的個人所組成的。這樣的破碎影響到我們在這個世界經歷到的所有事情。我們短暫的生命中充斥著失望與痛苦。

那麼，我們該怎麼辦呢？首先，我對人與人之間關係的看法有了改變。我變得更加實際也更能夠原諒其他人的過失。這同時也促使我在與他人互動時更以福音為中心，因為我知道唯有耶穌能解決人的罪惡本性。這樣的改變幫助我重新去愛我的家人。儘管我們都有缺點，但現在我很珍惜每一個能夠與家人相處的時間。雖然我的家庭仍有許多問題，但以前讓我沮喪難過的共處時光，現在卻成為我為家人的得救禱告的動力。

最後，這個真理使我無比嚮往那未來的新天新地——上帝應許給我們的那個沒有痛苦沒有愁煩的國度。這也讓我們想起保羅在羅馬書5章3-5節里挑戰人本能的教導，保羅要我們在患難中也要歡歡喜喜，因為到最後會生出盼望。世上的痛苦提醒我們不要太愛這個世界，而是要盼望著上帝帶我們進入新天新地的那一天。

我們完全可以相信上帝會賜給我們這一切，就如同羅馬書5章6-10節所說，耶穌基督為我們死在十字架上，帶給我們得救的確據。

因此，雖然我曾經總是極力逃避一切不完美的事實，但現在我已經學會去接受它。儘管這個過程非常艱難，但在等待那新天新地時，我已能欣然面對父母離婚的這個經歷。這個經歷給了我向他人談論福音和那美好永生應許的機會。現在的我是為了復活後的生命而活，並且我也在提醒他人和我一起為著永生而活。因為永恆的生命才是真正重要的。我也越來越珍惜十字架的救恩和它帶給我的新天新地的應許。十五過去了，啟示錄21章1-4節仍然激勵著我的心：

「我又看見一個新天新地，因為先前的天地已經過去了，海也不再有了。我又看見聖城新耶路撒冷由上帝那裡從天而降，預備好了，就如新婦裝飾整齊等候丈夫。我聽見有大聲音從寶座出來說：『看哪，上帝的帳幕在人間！祂要與人同住，他們要做祂的子民，上帝要親自與他們同在，做他們的上帝。上帝要擦去他們一切的眼淚，不再有死亡，也不再有悲哀、哭號、疼痛，因為以前的事都過去了』。」

THE GLORY OF MY PARENTS』 DIVORCE

Written by Andrew K

There are two memories from my childhood that define my family for me. The first was as a 3-year-old running into a hospital ward with my dad after my mom had given birth to my younger brother, excitedly shouting at the top of my lungs, 「Where is my little brother?」, and seeing him cradled in my mom』s arms.

The second was as a 9-year-old walking into my parents』 bedroom with the intention of using their bathroom to get ready for school—as was my habit at the time—only to walk in on my mom telling my dad that she was moving out and wanted a divorce.

Both memories have played opposing roles in my life. The first represented a time when my family was together, when my parents were happy, and when my younger brother was cute and not yet annoying. But most of all, it represented a time when everything was perfect. The second, represented a time when my life was turned upside down, when our time together was marked by shouting, and when I grew increasingly isolated from my family.

Divorce today feels rather trivialized; it』s common to see celebrities swapping spouses like they are fashion trends. Statistics indicate that one in three Australian marriages ends in divorce. As a society, we seem to be increasingly getting desensitized to failed marriages.

Yet, the reality is that for the families involved, it』s a long and agonizing process.

As a kid, one of the tougher things about dealing with my parents』 divorce was navigating the social dynamics. I became proficient at looking down and shuffling my feet in the rare awkward moments when my parents were in the same place. I learned to tune out the negative comments that they made about each other. And when both my parents got remarried, I learned to gracefully dance around the questions they asked about my new step-mum or step-dad. In short, I hated it.

For a long period of my life, I hated being around my family, because it was a constant reminder that things were not as they should be. I ended up moving away from home and living with my grandparents, while my younger brother stayed with my mum. We rarely saw each other except during the holidays, when being together was memorable for our fights and arguments more than anything else. Outside home, my behavior took a nose dive as I started skipping school and taking my frustration out on the people around me.

My parents』 divorce was one of the hardest things I have had to go through. It continues to serve as a defining period in my life and one that brings back many painful memories. Fifteen years later, many of the events from that period still feel raw, as if they had just happened.

However, a recent Bible study of Romans that I』ve been doing with my university』s campus ministry opened my mind to a surprising fact. It revealed this truth: that nothing in this life is as it should be. As Paul describes in Romans 1:18, we live in a world where every single one of us is guilty of suppressing the truth about God. The result of that is a world that is broken, desperate, and inherently sinful. That means our visions of family are idealistic, at best. After all, every single family, divorced or not, is made up of broken and sinful individuals. And this brokenness extends to everything else we experience in this world. Life on this side of eternity is fraught with disappointment and pain.

So where does this leave us? For one, my perspective of relationships has changed. It』s one that is more realistic but also more forgiving of others』 failings. It has also pushed me to become more gospel-minded in my interactions with others, knowing that the only solution to our sinful nature is found in Jesus. All this has helped me to grow in my love for my family, and despite our flaws, I now treasure the time we have together. While my family continues to be far from perfect, the interactions that used to depress me are now a prompt to pray for the salvation of my family.

Ultimately, the truth leaves me yearning for the new creation, the promise that God has given us of His kingdom where there is no pain or sorrow. It brings to mind Paul』s counter-intuitive teaching in Romans 5:3-5 to glory in our sufferings because it leads us to hope; the pain of this life reminds us not to get too attached to this world, but rather to anticipate the day when God will take us to the new creation.

We can have confidence that God will do this, as Romans 5:6-10 says, because of Christ. His death for us on the cross and the justification it has brought us gives us the certainty of salvation.

So, while I used to run from the reminder that things are not as they should be, today I』m learning to embrace it. As hard as it may be, the experience of my parents』 divorce is something I glory in as I await the new creation.

It』s given me opportunities to talk about the gospel and the incredible promise of eternal life. I』m now trying to live for the next life and reminding others to do the same, because that is the life that truly matters. It』s also made me all the more appreciative of the cross, and the certainty that it』s brought me that I will be in the new creation. Fifteen years on, the words of Revelation 21:1-4 continue to grow in salience and stir my heart:

「Then I saw 「a new heaven and a new earth,」 for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 「Look! God』s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 『He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death』 or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.」

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