看看這些糟心的段子吧，你會覺得單身也挺好噠
文章概要
First，Happy Valentine』s Day!
Second, for those who are single, just be patient and wait for the right person. Anyway, I hope that the following stories light you up.
巨熱的 (smoking-hot) 約會
We went out for dinner. She leaned in to kiss me, and her hair got caught in the candle. She didn』t realize and proceeded to spread the fire to my very nice dress shirt. She then blamed it on me. Never saw her again.
我們粗去吃飯。她靠過來親我，頭髮纏到了蠟燭上。她沒發現，繼續讓火蔓延到了我炒雞帥的襯衫上。然後呢，她吐槽是我弄的。再也沒見她。
五味雜陳的再見
The guy I』d been seeing gave me black and dead roses, saying that』s how he saw our relationship: dead.
我一直約的傢伙給我送了已經嗝屁的黑玫瑰，說他對我們戀愛的看法就是：已經嗝屁。
最後的反轉
I had been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. His mom HATED me 『cause he was her 「little boy.」 On the way to the restaurant, my boyfriend decided to turn around so we could take his freaking parents with us. Things were never the same after our surprise ~double date.~
我和男朋友約會差不多一年了。他媽不喜歡我，因為我搶了她的 「小寶貝兒」。去飯館路上，男朋友決定打個轉兒，那我們就可以接上他欠啪啪的父母。驚喜的對對碰之後，我就再沒糟心過。
惹禍的~淋漓~
My date actually bought me a whole outfit for Valentine』s Day!!! But lo and behold, my brand-new, WHITE dress got ruined byAunt Flo. He saw the mark forming, and in front of everyone around us said, 『Really, Hailey? How childish. You couldn』t have held it in?』 Guys are jerks.」
情人節我對象兒給我買了全套衣服!!! 但是，哎媽呀，看看吧，我嶄新的白色連衣裙讓大姨媽給禍禍了。痕迹出現，旁邊都是人，我對象兒說: 「海麗，真的嗎? 你還沒張大唉。你不能忍一下嗎?」 男人都是賤客。
糟心的禮物
My then-boyfriend surprised me with a gift, and it ended up being a shirt of mine that I had left at his place.
我當時的男朋友要送我禮物，讓我驚喜一下，結果是我拉在他那兒的一件襯衫。
單相思
During my freshman year of college, I was hopelessly in love with my best friend. On Valentine』s Day, he asked me out to lunch. We were together for an hour and a half before he revealed that he actually had a girlfriend and that 「she』d really love me」.
大一的時候，我不可救藥地愛上了最好的朋友。情人節，他請我中午粗去吃飯。我們一起呆了一個半小時，然後他說實際上他有個女朋友，」她真的愛上我了」。
自來熟
On the way to the restaurant, he was telling me how he』d cracked his phone screen, and when I glanced at his phone, I realized that the background was a picture of me. After only knowing him a week!」
去飯館路上，他告訴我他的手機屏幕裂了，我掃了他手機一眼，看到背景是我的一張照片。和他認識才一禮拜!
高中嘔吐機
Once in high school, I was asked out on Valentine』s Day with a big teddy bear and roses…the whole shebang! However, I had nausea that morning and threw up all over the guy and the gifts. Oops!
高中的時候，有人請我出去過情人節，帶著一個大大的泰迪熊，還有玫瑰花… 整件事兒唉! 那天上午我噁心，全吐在那個傢伙身上，禮物也沒倖免。我去!
超級大燈泡
Valentine』s Day 2009 was a day that will live in infamy. My then-boyfriend planned for us to drive to a nearby winery for a tour and dinner — but he invited his mother. To make matters worse, his mother called to tell us she was running late and demanded he put me on the phone. I managed a weak, 「Hello?」 and she screeched, 「I』LL BE THERE WHEN I GET THERE! GO BUY HIM A STEAK AND GIVE HIM SOME PUSSY AND BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!」 I was horrified. Worst Valentine』s Day EVER.
2009年情人節，讓人捂臉的一天。當時的男朋友計劃開車去附近的葡萄酒廠轉轉，然後吃飯 — 但是，他請了他媽去。還有更糟心的。他媽給我們打電話，說要遲到，而且讓我聽電話。我弱弱的 「喂」 了一聲，就聽見她尖刻的聲音 「我該到的時候就到了! 去給他買份兒牛排! 然後讓他玩兒B去! 你倆都別逼逼了!」 我驚得合不攏腿。沒有比這更糟心的情人節了。
任務在身
We were having dinner at a restaurant, and suddenly he jumped up and ran to the bathroom. After about 45 mins, I got worried and went to check on him. As it turned out, the guy who went into the bathroom before him was his dealer and they were in there getting high. This was not only Valentine』s Day, it was our FIRST date.
當時，我們在外面吃飯，他突然跳起來，沖向衛生間。大概45分鐘之後，我擔心了，去看他怎麼樣了。你猜怎麼著? 在他之前進去的一個傢伙是他的經銷商。他倆在裡面欲仙欲死(嗑藥)呢。那天不只是情人節，也是我們第一次約會。
糖果劫難
At my high school, students could send Valentine』s Day candygrams to each other, and my long-distance boyfriend somehow arranged to send me some. But a few days before the 14th, he broke up with me for another girl. Come Valentine』s Day, I received candygrams every hour from him, telling me how much he loved me and how he couldn』t wait to see me again.
我上高中的時候，學生們在情人節可以拍電報互相送糖果。我在異地的男朋友給我送了一些。但是，14號前幾天，他因為另一個女孩兒和我分手了。情人節到了，每個小時我都收到了他送的糖果，留言說好愛我，等著見我等得要死了。
7-11 浪漫遊
This guy had asked me out a few times, and I』d said no every time, but I decided to give him a shot for Valentine』s Day. I got in his car and he drove me to Quick Chek (picture 7-Eleven and Subway combined). He paid for only his sandwich, and then he just dropped me off at my dorm. The whole excursion was 15 minutes. I had no problem saying no when he asked me out again.
這個傢伙約我出去幾次，每次我都說不去，但決定情人節給他一次機會。我上了他的車，他帶我去了 「快來瞧」 (便利店) (想像一下 7-11 和地鐵站的結合體)。他只給自己買了三明治，然後就開到我宿舍把我丟下了。整個行程15分鐘。他再約我時，拒絕他一點都不負擔了。
數學很重要
The guy I was dating gave me six red roses for Valentine』s Day. I thought it was weird to only get six roses when they were usually bought as a dozen. Turns out, he』d actually bought a dozen roses and given the six other roses to six other girls.
情人節，曾經和我約會的傢伙送了我6支玫瑰。我覺得只有6支怪怪的，一般不都是買一束12支嗎? 結果呢，他確實買了一束，另外6支給了另外6個女孩。
脫光光、分分手
I had been dating this guy and was really falling for him. He said he wanted to plan everything for our Valentine』s Day date. He loved astronomy, so he picked a spot and brought a small telescope and showed me all the constellations. I was on cloud nine. I changed into something sexy and invited him in. He got undressed, got in bed, and then told me he couldn』t do this anymore. He basically got undressed to break up with me. He said I deserved a really nice Valentine』s date before he did it.
我曾經約會的傢伙真滴很吸引我。他說會把情人節的約會全部搞掂。他喜歡天文，所以找了個地方，帶了個小型望遠鏡，教我看所有的星座。我好激動，感覺都要上天了。我換了身性感的衣服，請他進屋。他脫光了，上了床，然後和我說他不能再芥末幹了。他脫光基本就是為了和我分手。他說，在芥末干之前，需要讓我度過一個快樂的情人節。
死神面對面
I went out with a guy I』d seen a few times before. He surprised me by bringing a box of chocolates. He knew I had a severe tree nut allergy, but the box didn』t have one of those guides in it. So, we made a joke of it where he』d eat part of a piece, and if it was nut-free I』d finish it. Well, there was one chocolate that definitely had nuts in it because I immediately started swelling. I couldn』t breathe, see, or hear. Luckily we made it to the hospital in time and everything was fine.
我和之前約過幾次的一個傢伙出去玩兒。他帶了一盒子巧克力，把我驚到了。他知道我對果仁兒嚴重過敏，但盒子上沒有相關的說明。所以我們開了個玩笑，他吃一部分，如果裡面沒果仁兒，我就吃完。結果呢，有一塊巧克力裡面絕對有果仁兒，因為我立馬兒腫起來了。我沒法呼吸，看不見東西，也聽不到聲音。很幸運，我們及時趕到了醫院，一切還好。
轉發本文是對作者莫大的鼓勵
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