每個警告的背後都有自己的故事

US soldiers are flying to Afghanistan.

Lieutenant:"For every pair of enemy"s ears I will pay you $100. For every bearded head I will pay you $200."

The plane has landed and the soldiers head out. Few minutes later they come back with bags full of chopped of ears and bearded heads.

Lieutenant: "Are you guys fucking crazy? What the fuck did you guys do? We just landed in London to refuel the plane!!!"

美軍士兵們正在飛往阿富汗。

中尉說道：「一雙敵人的耳朵，100美金。一個大鬍子腦袋，200美金。」

飛機落地後，士兵們出發了。幾分鐘後他們拎著好幾袋砍下的耳朵和大鬍子腦袋回來了。

中尉：「你們瘋了嗎？這是在幹嘛？我們只是只是停在倫敦加個油啊！」

——zarazaa

I looked out of my window in horror yesterday as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed outside yelling, "Let me through, let me through."

A man at the front said, "Thank God for that, are you a Doctor?"

I said, "No, that"s my fucking Pizza."

昨天我看向窗外，驚恐地發現一群人圍著一個出車禍的摩托車手。

我沖向外面，大叫：「讓我過去！讓我過去！」

站在前面的一個男人說：「謝天謝地，你是醫生嗎？」

我說：「不是，那他媽是我的披薩。」

——stash

If we manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists" testicles are aphrodisiacs, within ten years they"ll have disappeared...

如果我們能設法使中國人相信，聖戰分子的蛋蛋能壯陽的話，不到十年他們就會滅絕的...

——JimmyGriff72

How do you know Adam and Eve were white?

You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

你知道為什麼亞當和夏娃是白人嗎？

試過從一個黑鬼那裡拿走肋骨嗎？

——actualcrap

I got my fathers double chin, receding hairline and big stick out ears....

...It was the strangest will reading I"ve ever attended.

我擁有我爸爸的雙下巴、退後的髮際線和一對大耳朵...

...這是我出席過最奇怪的遺囑宣讀會。

——Rattler

I went to see an escort last night. She advertised a real girlfriend experience.

When I got there she opened the door and said "You"re late, I bet you"ve been down the pub." We didn"t speak for the rest of the night and I ended up sleeping on the sofa.

昨晚我去見一位應召女郎，廣告上說她能帶來如女友一般的體驗。

我到那裡後她打開了門對我說：「你遲到了，我就知道你去酒吧玩兒了。」

然後接下來一整晚我們都沒說話，我在沙發上睡的覺。

——Spitroast

I went into a vegan restaurant as I was told the menu was quite tasty.

Well to be fair, it was a bit cardboardy, but it was still better than any of the shit that was on it.

我去了一家素食餐廳，聽說他家菜單不錯。

說實在話，那紙太硬了，不過已經比他家的菜好了不少。

——KIMJONGTRUMP

每個警告的背後都有自己的故事

為什麼要設計這樣的制服

左邊那罐生產日期是2018的，右邊那包是2017的。這似乎是個嚴謹的企業。

——steveLTN

@呉一凡：椰樹公司的大門。

我也很

——shiharoku

Pirates have always seemed good about employing people with physical disabilities.

海盜似乎一直很擅長僱用身體有殘疾的人。

——Nevvick

Whining about having a jet lag is quite literally like complaining that the world does not revolve around us.

抱怨倒時差的不適反應就像是在抱怨這世界不是圍著我們轉似的。

——erraticmigrant

Imagine how more popular the Olympics would be if it were the leaders competing for their country instead of athletes.

想像一下，如果國家領導人代替運動員為祖國參賽，奧運會應該會更受歡迎。

——unlicensed2chill

It"s pretty fucked up that nearly 80% of the whole population (including the media) has agreed to an absurd lie in order to manipulate the behavior of the other 20%... Santa Claus.

這真的太糟糕了，接近80%的人類（包括媒體）針對一個荒誕的謊言達成了一致，只為了操縱剩下20%的人的行為......聖誕老人。

——Pepearenas

One of the worst parts of having mental health issues is that you』re seemingly required to have a breakdown in order for people to understand how hard you were trying to hold yourself together.

有心理疾病的一大難處就是，似乎你總要崩潰一次，才能讓別人認識到你平常盡多大努力保持堅強。

——PM_ME_UR_HAND_BRAS

翻譯：荒野／編輯：安康／監督：諾北

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