Teaching girls they can be anything — but they don"t have to be everything

BYHeidi Stevens

Chicago Tribune, Feb. 22, 2018

老雅 / 注釋

When my daughter was a baby I used to joke that she』d sleep with her eyes openif it were humanly possible, so unwilling was she to miss even a moment of action.

I would walk her and rock her, walk her and sing, walk herand whisper, and she would fight with every cell in her body tostay awake— keeping one eye open after the first eyesurrendered to exhaustion, like some kind of babyPopeye.

She』s 12 now, and her earlyreticencewas a sign of things to come.Sleep is nothing more than animpedimentto world domination. Shepacks her days down to the minute— morning debate club followed by school followed by cheer practice followed bytrampolinepractice followed by prep for the upcoming math competition in Springfield followed by homework followed,reluctantly, by sleep. Wake, rinse, repeat.

I』m proud and worried.

Proud because she』s bright andengagedand fearless and determined to be great.

Worried because I fear that some voice — in her head, in the world — tells her that she』s not good enough unless she』s good at everything.

老雅注釋

這幾個段落用作者自己女兒為例，說明現在的女性生活在巨大壓力之下，好像事事都要成功才能證明自己很優秀。

Taking her own daughter as an example, the author points out that modern women are now living in huge physical and emotional stress, because they harbor the misconception that they can be good enough only when they are good at everything.

...if it were humanly possible 如果人類能辦到

stay awake 保持醒的狀態；不睡覺

surrender （=yield) to exhaustion 向疲倦投降；架不住疲倦

Popeye 大力水手

reticence 沉默寡言

impediment 阻礙

pack her days down to the minute 緊密安排她的日程到分鐘

trampoline 蹦床

reluctantly 不情願地

engaged 忙碌的，充實的

Sleep is nothing more than animpedimentto world domination.

睡眠不過是人們征服世界的障礙而已。

A 2015 surveycommissionedby the University of California at Los Angeles, which included responses from 150,000 full-time students at more than 200 colleges and universities, found the highest levels of unhappiness ever recorded in female first-year college students. Twice as many young women than young men said they felt depressed 「frequently or occasionally,」 and twice as many young women than young men said they were 「overwhelmedby all I have to do.」

The survey is cited in educator Rachel Simmons』 new book, 「Enough as She Is: How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives」 (Harper).Idevouredthe book,wincing, waiting for it to prove that I』msettingmy daughterup fora lifetime of anxiety as she struggles to keep up with an impossible set of standards and demands.

老雅注釋

一項調查表明，表示自己感到生活壓抑和非常繁忙的年輕女性是年輕男性的2倍之多。這項調查被Rachel Simmon用於她的新書。作者希望借這本書證明她的想法是正確的，即她的女兒對自己要求和標準太高，因此生活在焦慮之中。

A recent survey shows that twice as many young women than young men think they are too busy and feel depressed. This survey is cited in Rachel Simmon"s new book, which the author believes can prove she has been right to think that her daughter is living a life of anxiety because of her excessively high set of standards and demands.

commission 委託

overwhelm 淹沒

devour 狼吞虎咽，如饑似渴（地讀......）

wince 退縮

set my daughter up for... 自以為我女兒是......

Idevouredthe book,wincing, waiting for it to prove that I』msettingmy daughterup fora lifetime of anxiety as she struggles to keep up with an impossible set of standards and demands.

我如饑似渴地閱讀這本書，惴惴不安，心想這本書證明了我的想法，即我的女兒拚命達到那些高不可攀的標準和要求，她的一生準會在焦慮中度過了。

「Yes, this is the most promising moment for girls in history,」 Simmons told me recently. 「At the same time, girls have more expectations and obligations than any time in history. That』s not an easy responsibility to bear.」

Psychologists call it 「role overload,」 Simmons writes, meaning too many roles for a single individual to play, and 「role conflict,」 meaning the obligations of the roles you play areat odds withone another.

「Both conditions are known to includehigh levels of stress,」 Simmons writes. 「In the so-called age of girl power, we have failed tocut looseour mostretrogradestandards of female success and replace them with something more progressive. Instead we』ve shoveled more and more expectation onto the alreadyrobustpile of qualities we expect girls to possess.」

Be a STEM star, but with perfect makeup. Be class president, but with plenty of time for your friends. Be an athlete, but not too muscle-y.

老雅注釋

雖然對女孩來說，這個時代充滿了希望，但也給女孩強加了過多的義務和期待。無論是「角色過多」還是「角色衝突」，都會給女孩帶來高度的緊張感，其原因是我們還固守著落後的女性成功標準。

Though this is a promising time for girls, it also imposes too many obligations and expectations on girls. In the case of either "role overload" or "role conflict", girls will experience high levels of stress. All this is becuase we are still holding on to the outdated standards of female success.

at odds with... 與......不一致

high levels of stress 高度的緊張

cut loose 解放；釋放

retrograde 落後的

robust 牢固的

In the so-called age of girl power, we have failed tocut looseour mostretrogradestandards of female success and replace them with something more progressive. Instead we』ve shoveled more and more expectation onto the alreadyrobustpile of qualities we expect girls to possess.

在這個所謂的「女性權力」時代，我們沒有拋棄最落後的女性成功標準並代之以一些更進步的標準。相反，在我們期待女孩擁有的一大堆素質中，我們還朝裡面添加了越來越多的期待。

Simmons』 book offersa road mapfor helping girlsnavigatetheobligation-ladenterrainwith their wits and confidenceintact.The key, she argues, is to help girls know themselves well enough to pursue what makesthemtick, not what they assume will please or impress others.

老雅注釋

為了幫助女孩們穿越這個充滿義務的地帶，Simmon提出了一個方針：幫助女孩們了解自我，做讓自己開心的事情，而不是讓別人開心或者滿意的事情。

In order for girls to pass the land full of responsibilites, Simmon suggests that we help them know themselves and do things that please themselves rather than others.

road map 路線圖；方針

navigate 環遊

obligation-laden 充滿義務的

terrain 土地；疆土

intact 完整的

make them tick 讓她們開心

Simmons』 book offersa road mapfor helping girlsnavigatetheobligation-ladenterrainwith their wits and confidenceintact.

賽蒙斯的書提出了一個方針，來幫助女孩們用完整的智慧和信心來趟過這責任重重的地帶。

Social media, not surprisingly, occupies a lot of the book』s real estate.

「Girls use social media every day tomobilizeandinspiretheir peers to activism,」 Simmons writes. 「When they feel alone and that no one understands them, the internet regularly offers what a hallway or classroom can』t. What girls need from their parents is not a conversation about what』s wrong with social media, but what』s wrong with the way many of them use and value it.」

But it shouldn』t be thebarometerof a girl』s self-worth. Instead, she writes, we should help the girl in our life use it to do the following:

Say something about herself, rather than prove something about herself; connect with others, rather than compete with others; make statements about issues, rather than ask questions about what others think of her;amplifya cause that』s bigger than herself.

老雅注釋

社交網路往往是女孩們用來釋放孤獨的辦法，父母不應該禁止，而應該告訴她們如何正確使用社交網路。

Girls often use social media to release their stress, so rather than preventing them from using social media, parents should tell them the positive ways of using it.

mobilize 動員

inspire 鼓舞

barometer 晴雨表

amplify 放大

She』ll have missteps; we all do. But when she makes a mistake — on social media, in school, in a friendship — teach her togo easy onherself.

「If you don』t beat yourself up when you fail, failure becomes a lot less scary,」 Simmons writes. 「It』s easier to take intellectual risks and go where your curiosity takes you.The drive to learn rather than perform makes self-compassionate people more motivated, moreresilientin the face of failure and more comfortable taking healthy chances.

老雅注釋

當女孩犯錯時，應該告訴她們不要過於在意。女孩子如果願意多學習，而不是急於行動，會更有動力，也更用勇氣面對失敗，更願意冒險。

We should tell girls not to be defeated by mistakes and failure. And girls willing to learn, rather than take actions, are more prepared to face failure and take chances.

go easy on...溫和地對待......

resilient 有彈性的

The drive to learn rather than perform makes self-compassionate people more motivated, moreresilientin the face of failure and more comfortable taking healthy chances.

學習（而非行動）的意願讓有激情人更有動力，更能面對失敗，也更願意去冒可以冒的風險。

「When self-compassionate people fail they are less likely torevert tofeelings of shame and worthlessness.」

We can model this by being compassionate with ourselves and sharing stories of times westumbled. It can also help, Simmons writes, to ask your daughter how she wouldapproacha close friend or relative who』d made a mistake and try applying that same grace to herself.

Help her lean on others when she needs help.

「Challenge the assumption that self-made success is somehow better or more worthy,」 Simmons writes. 「Remind her that connectionsforgedinvulnerability, in her personal life and at work, are often the most real and lasting.」

老雅注釋

充滿激情和願意分享失敗故事的人不會再感到羞辱和無用，另外一種辦法是讓女孩用她對待失敗的朋友的態度來對待自己。同時，女孩應該明白需要時可以尋求別人的幫助，而不是全部依靠自己。

One way to stay away from shame and worthlessness is to be self-compassionate and share your stories of failure. Another way is to ask girls to treat themselves in the same way they treat their friends who have failed. Meanwhile, girls should be made to understand that they should seek help from others when necessary.

revert to 回復到（壞的習慣）......

stumble 摔跤；失敗

approach 走近；靠近

forge 鍛造

vulnerability 容易受到傷害；脆弱

Remind her that connectionsforgedinvulnerability, in her personal life and at work, are often the most real and lasting.」

提醒她，在個人生活和工作中脆弱的時候結成的關係，往往是最真實，最持久的。

And, maybe my favorite bit of advice of all, help her connect with her own values.

「She will grow stronger when she is rooted in who she is, how she feels and what she stands for, not who she is trying to be for anyone or anything else,」 Simmons writes. 「Ask her about three values she wants to honor right now in her life. Friendship? Family? Honesty? Service? Talk together about how she canalign herself withwhat she cares about.」

Especially now, Simmons said.

「It can feel very much like, 『The world is happening to me, and all I』m trying to do is keep up,』」 she told me. 「Being able to get young people thinking about what they stand for gives themagencyand helps them make sure what they』re doing is what they feel passionate about, not just what some college will want from them.」

老雅注釋

作者認為，Simmons最好的建議是，鼓勵女孩們聽從自己內心的價值觀。如果她們聽從自己最在乎的東西，女孩們會變得更強大。

The author thinks the best advice Simmons gives in her book is that we encourge girls to follow their own heart and they will grow stronger if they know clearly what they care about.

align herself with 使結盟；使連成一線

agency 主動性；主體性

Being able to get young people thinking about what they stand for gives themagencyand helps them make sure what they』re doing is what they feel passionate about, not just what some college will want from them.

若得以讓年輕人想想她們的價值何在，這會給她們一種自我作主的感覺，幫助她們確信正在做的是自己的激情所在，而不是某大學要她們做的。

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