孩子撒謊時，我到底該怎麼做？

作者：Katherine Lee

來源：verywellfamily.com

翻譯：北京伊頓家長大學

撒謊是每個孩子必經的成長過程

我們以為小孩總是說真話，但其實大部分小孩都撒過謊。

而父母們應該知道一個事實，那就是——撒謊是孩子成長過程中的一個自然現象，隨著孩子逐漸長大也就不再撒謊。

As much as we might like to think that our children will always tell the truth, the reality is that lying is something most children experiment with at one point or another.

Parents should keep in mind that telling lies is a natural part of child development and that in most cases, children outgrow this behavior.

孩子為什麼要撒謊？

這個問題需要根據孩子的年齡、事發的場合、撒謊的理由和是否頻繁撒謊來綜合考慮。

通常孩子在6歲以前，並不具備分辨事實和想像的能力，他們的「謊言」很可能只是自己的想像。一個4歲的孩子懂得用撒謊來避免麻煩或得到他想要的東西。

而一些學齡兒童撒謊的常見原因可能有：

? 想像的遊戲

? 害怕懲罰

? 和朋友/同學炫耀，讓大家覺得自己很厲害

? 逃避不想做的事情（如整理玩具）

? 不想讓父母失望

? 表達對某些事情的不滿

? 希望引起他人注意

Why Kids Lie

When addressing this common problem, parents should consider a child"s age, the circumstances and reasons for the lie, and how frequently he engages in this behavior.

For example, many younger children -- usually younger than age 6—cannot yet make a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, and their "lie" may actually just be an expression of their imagination. That said, a child as young as age 4 is perfectly capable of deliberately telling a lie to avoid getting into trouble or get something he wants.

Some common causes of lying in school-age children include:

? Wishful imaginative play

? Fear of punishment

? A desire to brag to friends/classmates to boost status and impress them

? To avoid something they don』t want to do (such as clean up toys)

? A desire to not disappoint parents when expectations are too high

? Unhappiness with something in their lives

? An attempt to get attention

發現孩子撒謊，家長該怎麼做？

當發現孩子撒謊時，請不要生氣或急於批評指責，可以試試下面的方法：

1.找出孩子撒謊的根本原因。是孩子的幻想遊戲？還是怕受到懲罰而故意誤導？或者只是不能很好地區分現實和想像，單純想保護自己創造的美好故事？

（她會特別肯定地說，她和一個想像的朋友去了月亮，那裡非常好玩，她覺得你也會喜歡那裡。）

所以當她堅持說是一個想像的朋友打碎了不該碰的東西，那麼首先你要做的就是讓她放心，告訴她說出實情，並不會惹來麻煩。你很願意相信這件事是別人做的，但是實話實說總能讓事情變得更好。

What to Do When Kids Lie

Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when dealing with lying:

1.Get to the root cause of the lie.Is your child simply telling a tall tale as part of fantasy play? Is she deliberately trying to mislead you because she doesn』t want to be punished? If your child is simply using her imagination, help her distinguish between fact and fiction without discouraging her creativity

(so if she insists that she went to the moon with her imaginary friends, then explain that it sounds like so much fun you would like to join in too).

On the other hand, if she claims that an imaginary friend broke something she wasn』t supposed to touch, first reassure her that she won』t get in trouble if she tells you what really happened. Then explain that you understand that while it can sometimes be easier to believe that someone else may have done something that she doesn』t want to admit to doing, telling the truth always helps make things better.

2.別讓孩子覺得，不能和你說實話。如果孩子擔心你會生氣，那麼無論如何他都不會和你說真話。重要的是讓孩子感到安心、安全、被理解和支持，讓他明白說真話並不會減少或失去你對他的愛，這樣他才能放心跟你說實話。研究表明，用懲罰來威脅孩子時，他們不可能會說出真相。

所以，首先讓孩子明白：說真話，你不會生氣，真相比其他事情更重要。然後，心平氣和地聽孩子解釋，客觀指出其行為不當的地方以及由該行為所引發的不良後果，而不要一味指責錯誤的行為。

如果他曾試圖說謊，那麼一定要表揚他現在勇敢說出真相的行為，告訴他說真話不容易，但是他做出了勇敢和正確的選擇，他這樣做真的很棒。

2.Do not make kids feel like they cannot come to you.If a child is worried that you will be angry, he may try to avoid telling you the truth at all costs. The important thing is to help your child feel secure, safe, and supported so that he knows he can talk to you without losing your affection and love. In fact, research shows that when you threaten kids with punishment for lying, they are less likely to tell the truth.

Explain to your child that if he tells you the truth, you will not become angry and that the truth is more important to you than anything else. Then listen calmly and address whatever the misbehavior was; focus on that, and on the consequences of his actions, rather than on finding blame.

If he attempted a lie, praise him for being honest with you and acknowledge that telling the truth must have been difficult for him.

3.讓孩子承擔後果，而不是接受懲罰。後果和懲罰有什麼區別呢？後果，是由孩子行為引發的結果，孩子需要為自己的行為承擔結（後）果，這樣他才能明白自己的行為為什麼不好，為什麼需要改變這個不良行為；而懲罰則來自於憤怒的情緒，是父母由於生氣而強加給孩子的讓他不喜歡或厭惡的消極刺激。

舉個例子，如果孩子說她做了家務，但是隨後被你發現她撒謊了，那可以怎麼處理呢？你可以先和她聊聊一個人需要對自己的行為有擔當，再一起討論是否有辦法能彌補她的錯誤，比如承擔一些其他家務。

3.Give your child consequences, rather than punishment.What』s the difference? Punishment comes from a place of anger whereas consequences are focused on correcting the misbehavior.

For instance, if your child lies about doing her chores, discuss with her the importance of facing up to her actions; work with her to come up with an appropriate task to make up for her mistake, such as doing extra age-appropriate chores around the house.

4.不要給孩子貼「標籤」。貼標籤是一種傷害，從長遠來看還會影響孩子的自我評價體系。

當一個孩子被貼上「撒謊」或「騙子」的標籤，他可能會在心理也對自己產生這樣的暗示，並按照這種心理暗示去行動，久而久之可能真的變成一個愛撒謊的人。

而這是我們都不願看到的結果，所以請永遠不要稱呼孩子是「騙子」，不要隨便給他貼標籤，即使他真的撒了謊。

4.Do not call your child a liar.Labels can not only be hurtful, they can have a lasting impact on how a child views himself. If he is called a liar, he may believe himself to be one and act accordingly.

5.讓孩子明白你希望他做什麼。告訴孩子你不希望家裡出現謊言。說實話是一個很重要的品質，是和講禮貌、尊重人，不打架一樣優秀的行為。

5.Be clear about your expectations.Tell your child that lying is something that you do not want in your household. Let her know that telling the truth is just as important as other good behavior that you expect from her such as speaking to you in a respectful manner and not talking back or trying not to fight with her siblings.

6.反省自己是否有撒謊行為。當你想逃避某件事或得到某樣東西時，是否也會撒謊？

舉個例子來說，如果你的鄰居想請你在她出門旅遊時幫忙喂貓，你回答說因為親戚病了需要你照顧，所以不能幫忙，而其實你只是不喜歡那隻貓。這時孩子聽到了你們的對話，就會認為成年人也常常撒謊，撒謊也沒什麼大問題。

6.Assess your own behavior when it comes to telling the truth.Do you often resort to lying when you want to avoid a situation or to get something you want?

For instance, if your child hears you telling a neighbor that you cannot feed her cat while she』s on a trip because you have a sick relative when the truth is that you secretly don』t like that particular cat, you child will get the message that adults lie when it』s convenient for them.

7.談談撒謊對人際關係的影響。謊言會傷害彼此相愛的人之間建立起的信任。讓孩子想像一下，如果你對她撒謊，她會有什麼樣的感受？她下次會不會懷疑你？會不會影響你們之間的信任關係？

7.Talk about the effect lying can have on relationships.Explain that lying can damage the trust that exists between people who love each other. Ask your child to imagine how she might feel if you lied to her about something. Would she doubt you the next time? Would it affect the way she trusted you?

最後，如果在你的引導和介入下，孩子仍然存在反覆地並且頻繁地撒謊行為，那麼也可以諮詢兒童心理專家，獲得一些專業建議。

總之，撒謊是每個孩子必經的成長過程，只要家長用正確的方法引導和改善不良行為，就能幫助孩子培養優秀的品德和行為習慣。

Finally, keep in mind that if a child lies repeatedly and frequently, even after consequences and reassurances from you, it may be time to talk with your pediatrician or another professional child behavioral expert to assess the behavior and get more recommendations.

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