不如讀書 Me Before You

最新 05-19

頂著30多度高溫錄音，放蕩不羈的內心有點燥熱

不敢開風扇，太吵

不敢開空調，費電

電費不要錢的啊

交不起交不起

現在的孩子啊

都不知道省著用

奢侈！浪費！

心中默念

我不怕熱

不就好了嘛

我爸還在穿秋褲呢

多跟老人家學學

以上內容虛假難辨，如有不適，請閉眼觀看

夜深人靜不敢大聲說話，依舊嗶嗶嗶的桃子

第三章初見

女主來到男主家裡，開始照看男主的工作。

第一次見面時，男主假扮自己是個智障，露出猙獰的表情。只是單純嚇唬一下女主……

As westepped intothe room, the man in the wheelchair looked up from undershaggy, unkempthair. His eyes met mine and after a pause, he let out abloodcurdlinggroan. Then his mouth twisted, and he let out anotherunearthlycry.

我們走進房間時，坐在輪椅上的那個男人抬起頭來，他的頭髮蓬亂不堪，他的目光與我的相遇，他沉默了片刻，發出一聲令人毛骨悚然的呻吟。接著他的嘴扭動了一下，又發出一聲怪叫。

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接著，另外一個專門照看男主的護工內森（Nathan）開始向女主介紹很多注意事項，有一本厚厚的小冊子，全是照顧男主的資料。可見他的情況非常複雜，人也非常脆弱。

這名護工還要照顧其它病人，所以不會一直都在，他不在的時候，就是女主負責的時間。

『What if he needs … to go to the loo?』I thought of the hoist.

『I』m not sure I could, you know, lift him.』I tried not to let my face betray my panic.

「要是他需要——上廁所呢？」我想起了升降機。

「我不確定我能——你知道的——抬起他來。」我盡量不顯露出內心的恐慌。

Nathan shook his head. 『You don』t need to do any of that.His catheter takes care of that. I』ll be in at lunchtime to change it all. You』re not here for the physical stuff.』

『What am I here for?』

內森搖了搖頭。「你不需要做那類事情。他有導尿管，會處理那些。午餐時間時我會過來幫他換。你來不是處理這些身體上的事情的。」

「那我來做什麼？」

Nathan studied the floor before he looked at me. 『Try to cheer him up a little?He』s … he』s a little cranky. Understandable, given … the circumstances. But you』re going to have to have a fairly thick skin. That little skit this morning is his way of getting you off balance.』

內森端詳了一會兒地板，然後看著我，說道：「讓他愉快一點，他……他脾氣有點壞。可以理解，遇到……這種事情。你得臉皮厚點。今天早上的小插曲就是他激怒你的方式。」

整個家裡只剩下男主和女主了，男主一直沉默，不說一句話，這讓女主很尷尬。僅有的幾句搭訕，也顯得自己很愚蠢……

I stood in the middle of the room, hands thrust in my pockets, unsure what to do.Will Traynor continued to stare out of the window as if I weren』t there.

我站在房間正中，雙手插在口袋裡，不知道該做什麼。威爾·特雷納繼續望著窗外，就像我不在那兒。

『Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?』

『Coffee, then?』

『Well … can I get you anything?』

I walked out of the room, my heart thumping. From the safety of the kitchen I pulled out my mobile phone and thumped out a message to my sister.This is awful. He hates me.真糟糕。他討厭我。

The reply came back within seconds.You have only been there an hour,you wuss!M & D really worried about money.Just get a grip& think of hourly rate.X幾秒鐘後我就收到了回復。你在那兒才待了一小時，膽小鬼！爸媽很為錢發愁。撐住，想想每小時的報酬。愛你。

沒辦法，女主必須忍了，然後她開始打掃衛生，看到一些照片。都是男主受傷之前的照片。從這些照片中可以看出，男主之前的生活有多麼精彩，畢竟高富帥。

There was a manbungeejumping from a cliff, his arms outstretched like a statue of Christ. There was a man who might have been Will in what looked like jungle, and him again in the midst of a group of drunken friends. The men wore bow ties and dinner jackets and had their arms around each other』s shoulders.

有張相片里，一個男人從懸崖上往下蹦極，他的手臂伸展開來，像一尊耶穌雕像；另一張相片里，有個貌似是威爾的男人在叢林里；還有一張，他在一群醉酒的朋友中間，他們系著蝴蝶結，穿著無尾晚禮服，手搭在彼此的肩頭。

女主沒有注意到，男主這時候已經在門口看著她。

『Courchevel. Two and a half years ago.』I blushed.

『I』m sorry. I was just –』

『You were just looking at my photographs.Wondering how awful it must be to live like that and then turn into a cripple.』

『No.』 I blushed even more furiously.

「在高雪維爾，兩年半前。」

我臉紅了，說道：「對不起。我剛剛——」

「你剛剛在看我的照片。你肯定在想，我那樣生活過，現在變成個殘廢該有多慘。」

「不是的。」我的臉漲得更紅了。

午休過後，女主想和男主提一點建議，或者至少做點什麼。

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女：『So would you like to go somewhere this afternoon? We could drive somewhere if you like.』

男：『Where did you have in mind?』

女：『I don』t know. Just a drive in the country?』

男：『The country,』 he said, as if considering it. 『And what would we see. Some trees? Some sky?』

女：『I don』t know. What do you normally do?』

男：『I don』t do anything, Miss Clark. I can』t do anything any more. I sit. I just about exist.』

「我什麼也不做，克拉克小姐。我再也沒法做任何事。我一直坐著，我勉強活著。」

『Miss Clark, my life is not going to be significantly improved by a drive around Stortfold』s country lanes.』 He turned away.

「克拉克小姐，我的生活不會因為繞著斯托夫堡的鄉間小路轉上一圈就會有顯著改善。」他轉過頭去。

女主：『It』s just … it』s quite a long time to spend with someone. All day,』 I continued. 『Perhaps if you could tell me a little of what you want to do, what you like, then I can … make sure things are as you like them?』

男主：『Here』s what I know about you, Miss Clark. My mother says you』re chatty.』 He said it like it was an affliction.『Can we strike a deal? Whereby you are very un-chatty around me?』

「我知道的關於你的情況是這樣，克拉克小姐，我媽媽說你話特別多，」他說話的樣子像是在說這是一種折磨，「我們能達成一個協議嗎？在我身邊時你能不這麼多嘴多舌嗎？」

女主只是好心想幫助男主做一點事情打發時間，總不能24小時坐在輪椅上發獃。沒想到男主對她的態度這麼惡劣，心理很受傷。不管怎樣，她不能因為一點挫折就放棄這個工作，該忍的還是要忍一下。

第四章舊愛

接下來的兩周時間裡，女主幾乎每天重複著她要做的事情。打掃一下衛生，喂男主吃藥之類。雖然有時候她也會同情男主的處境，但是男主對她的態度又讓她有點恨意。

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But oh Lord, he was vile to me.Everything I said, he had a sharp answer for.If I asked him if he was warm enough, he would retort that he was quite capable of letting me know if he needed another blanket. If I asked if the vacuum cleaner was too noisy for him – I hadn』t wanted to interrupt his film – he asked me why, had I worked out a way to make it run silently? When I fed him, he complained that the food was too hot or too cold, or that I had brought the next forkful up to his mouth before he had finished the last.He had the ability to twist almost anything I said or did so that I seemed stupid.

但是天哪，他對我壞透了。不管我說什麼，他的回答都很尖銳。如果我問他是否夠暖和，他會反駁說要是他還需要一條毛毯他完全有能力讓我知道。如果我問吸塵器有沒有吵到他——我不想打擾他看電影——他會問我，難道我有什麼辦法讓吸塵器吸塵時不出聲？我喂他吃飯時，他抱怨食物要麼太熱要麼太涼，抱怨他上一口還沒有吃完，我就喂他下一口。他有能力曲解我說的任何話、做的任何事，他讓我覺得自己簡直蠢到了家。

然後，在一個周四的早晨，女主的媽媽說，有兩個男主的朋友來看他，一男一女。

在女主眼裡，這個女人就是典型的白富美啊：

It was the woman I noticed first. Long-legged and blonde-haired, with pale caramel skin, she was the kind of woman who makes me wonder if humans really are all the same species. She looked like a human racehorse.Everything about her smelt of money, of entitlement and a life lived as if through the pages of a glossy magazine.

我最先注意的是那個女人。長腿金髮，淺褐色的皮膚，她讓我懷疑人類是否真是同屬一類。她是人類中的賽馬。她身上充滿金錢和權力的味道，她的生活是時尚雜誌中的章節。

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Then I looked at her more closely and realized with a jolt that a)she was the woman in Will』s skiing photograph,and b) she looked really, reallyuncomfortable.

我仔細端詳著她，猛然間意識到她就是那張滑雪照片中站在威爾旁邊的那個女人。她看起來真的非常非常不自在。

接著，這兩個來看他的朋友開始試著和男主聊一些話題。男主只是沉默不說話。然後這兩個朋友強行你一句我一句尬聊，女主也覺得場面非常尷尬。

估計男主也看不下去了，心想你倆演夠了嗎？終於開口說話了。

『So … 』 Will said finally. 『To what do I owe this pleasure?It』s been … eight months?』

「呃……」威爾終於開口道，「什麼風把你們吹來？已經……八個月了？」

然後這個男性朋友（前同事）說了一大堆工作上的事，屁話連天，解釋他很忙，沒時間來看男主，還有很多新同事之類。可想而知，男主現在可是個殘疾人，你跟他說這些不是強行刺激么，他又沒有機會再參與了。

然後旁邊這個女的看不下去了：

『Actually, Will, there is another reason for us coming here,』 she was saying. 『We … have some news.』

『I thought – well, we thought – that it would only be right to let you know … but, well, here』s the thing.Rupert and I are getting married.』

「實際上，威爾，我們來這兒還有另一個原因，」她說道，「我們……有消息要告訴你。」

「我覺得——嗯，我們覺得——這件事情一定要告訴你才行……只是，噢，事情是這樣。魯珀特和我要結婚了。」

又是一波強行解釋：我們沒有在你一出事以後就在一起，而是過了很久。

The woman continued, lamely. 『Look, I know this is probably a bit of a shock to you. Actually, it was rather a shock to me. We – it – well, it only really started a long time after … 』

『Well, you know you and I … we … 』

Another weighty silence.

『Will, please say something.』

『Congratulations,』 he said finally.

那個女人有些膽怯地繼續說道：「嗯，我知道這或許對你是個打擊。事實上，對我也是。我們——好吧，我們真的是在你出事之後很久才開始戀愛的……」

「唉，你知道你和我……我們……」

又是讓人憂慮的沉默。

「威爾，你說話啊。」

「祝賀你們。」他終於說。

解釋不能停的：我們一開始只是關心你，後來，莫名奇妙就好上了，這不怪我們。

我們希望親口告訴你這件事，因為把你當朋友。

額……估計男主想原地爆炸。自己的前女友和好朋友搞在一起，而自己現在這個樣子，又有什麼資格怪誰呢……更會氣自己吧。

『I know what you』re thinking. But neither of us meant for this to happen. Really.For an awful long time we were just friends. Friends who were concerned about you.It』s just that Rupert was the most terrific support to me after your accident –』

「我知道你在想什麼，我們兩人都不想讓這件事情發生的。真的。很長一段時間裡，我們都只是朋友，關心你的朋友。只是你出事以後魯珀特給了我莫大的支持——」

『Big of him.』

「他真了不起。」

『Please don』t be like this. This is so awful. I have absolutely dreaded telling you. We both have.』

「請別這樣。真是糟糕透頂。我很害怕告訴你，我們都很害怕。」

『Evidently,』 Will said flatly.

「看得出來。」威爾冷漠地說。

Rupert』s voice broke in. 『Look, we』re only telling you because we both care about you. We didn』t want you to hear it from someone else.But, you know, life goes on. You must know that. It』s been two years, after all.』

魯珀特插話道：「唉，我們告訴你是因為我們兩人都非常在乎你，我們不想你從別人那裡聽說這件事。但是，你知道的，生活在繼續。你必須清楚這一點。畢竟，事情已經過去兩年了。」

然後，男主怒摔以前的相冊，看到曾經的女朋友和好朋友，日了狗了。

可想而知女主想幹嘛，當然是修補相冊……每個傻傻的女主都喜歡做這些惹男主厭惡的事情，多管閑事。

女主經常說一些希望能夠安慰他的話，對此，男主並不領情，反而覺得噁心。

『You thought you knew best.Everyone thinks they know what I need.Let』s put the bloody photos back together. Give the poor invalid something to look at. I don』t want to have those bloody pictures staring at me every time I』m stuck in my bed until someone comes and bloody well gets me out again. Okay? Do you think you can get your head around that?』

「你以為你很明白，每個人都認為他們知道我需要什麼。讓我們把這些該死的照片放回去，給那個可憐的病人一點可看的東西。我不想我每次躺在床上時，這些該死的照片總是盯著我，行嗎？你懂嗎？」

I swallowed. 『I wasn』t going to fix the one of Alicia – I』m not that stupid … I just thought that in a while you might feel –』

我咽了一口唾沫。「我不是想修好艾麗西婭的那張，我還不至於那麼笨……我只是覺得過一陣子你會覺得——」

『Oh Christ … 』 He turned away from me, his voice scathing. 『Spare me the psychological therapy.Just go and read your bloody gossip magazines or whatever it is you do when you』re not making tea.』

「哦，天哪……」他轉過臉不看我，尖刻地說道，「別用心理治療那一套來對付我，去讀你那膚淺的八卦雜誌，或是幹些你不泡茶時乾的任何事情。」

嗯，男主真的發飆了，心想：你特么能不能別這麼多事，煩不煩啊你！

不知道女主哪裡來的勇氣，應該是作者給的吧，她也徹底爆了。

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『You don』t have to behave like an arse.』

『What?』

I faced him, my heart thumping. 『Your friends got the shitty treatment. Fine. They probably deserved it.But I』m just here day after day trying to do the best job I can.So I would really appreciate it if you didn』t make my life as unpleasant as you do everyone else』s.』

「你沒必要總是表現得這麼讓人討厭。」

「什麼？」

我面對著他，心怦怦直跳。「你的朋友受到了這種不像話的待遇，很好，也許這是他們應得的。但是我一天又一天待在這裡只是想儘力做好我的工作。請不要像對待其他人那樣把我的生活也搞得一團糟，謝謝你。」

『And what if I told you I didn』t want you here?』

『I』m not employed by you. I』m employed by your mother. And unless she tells me she doesn』t want me here any more I』m staying.Not because I particularly care about you, or like this stupid job or want to change your life one way or another, but because I need the money. Okay? I really need the money.』

「要是我說我不想你在這兒呢？」

「不是你僱用的我，是你的母親。除非她告訴我，不再希望我留在這兒了，不然我會一直待在這裡。並不是因為我非常在乎你，或者喜歡這件愚蠢的工作，或是想以某種方式改變你的生活，而是因為我需要錢。行了嗎？我真的很需要錢。」

Will Traynor』s expression hadn』t outwardly changed much but I thought I saw astonishment in there, as if he were unused to anyone disagreeing with him.

Oh hell, I thought, as the reality of what I had just done began to sink in.I』ve really blown it this time.

表面看來，威爾·特雷納的表情並沒有多大變化，不過我看到了他眼底的震驚，好像他還不習慣有人跟他唱反調。

噢，該死！我想，意識到我剛剛做的事情。這回我真的搞砸了。

But Will just stared at me for a bit and, when I didn』t look away, he let out a small breath, as if about to say something unpleasant.

『Fair enough,』he said, and he turned the wheelchair round.『Just put the photographs in the bottom drawer, will you? All of them.』

And with a low hum, he was gone.

但是他只是盯著我，見我沒有轉移目光，他吐了口氣，似乎是要說些不中聽的話。

「說得好，」他說道，轉動著輪椅，「把照片放在底層抽屜吧，好嗎？所有照片。」

隨著一陣低低的嗡嗡聲，他離開了。

男主聽到女主這麼說還是有點吃驚，第一，他不知道平時一直低聲下氣的女主會突然暴走，第二，不知道女主真實的處境。

一個為了做好自己本職工作，忍氣吞聲，拚命努力的女孩，運氣都不會太差的吧，比如，會得到男主的欣賞。