從來沒有談過戀愛和滾過床單，是種怎樣扎心的體驗？

最新 05-21

周日，分析文章學英語的麥大叔課堂和你見面啦！

小夥伴們下午好~

今天，普通的5月20號，也居然因為諧音「我愛你」而變成了一個所謂的「情人節」

2.14、3.14、5.20、七月七……為啥在中國要過這麼多情人節，簡直不給單身汪活路啊

愛情與性，雖然不是生活的必需品，但對於一個成年人來說，這兩樣東西還是很能改善生活質量的。

然而，正如同滿大街都是單身汪一樣，這兩樣東西並非所有人都能如願擁有。有些人可能到了年齡較大的時候——甚至終其一生——都與它們失之交臂。

上周，英媒BBC有刊登過一篇大意為「37歲才第一次滾床單是什麼體驗」的文章。雖然標題略顯調侃，但文章的的確確反應了一類人的生活現實。

而且，在文章登出後，有許多類似情況的人給BBC寫信，或訴苦或感慨或自嘲。原來……「大齡缺愛缺性者」並不少！

前幾天，BBC把這些信件摘選刊登，匯成了下面這篇文章：

沒有性生活的悲傷(via BBC)

那麼，在這滿世界都在秀恩愛的5.20，咱們麥大叔課堂就不走尋常路，來圍觀下這篇「既缺愛又缺性」的文章吧……

先是文章的引言部分：

Last week we published the story of "Joseph", a 60-year-old man who wrote about his regret at missing out on sexual experiences until the age of 37.

上周，我們刊登了「約瑟夫」的故事。約瑟夫今年60歲，他直到37歲那年才有了第一次的性經歷。

Many readers wrote to say that his storystruck a chord with them-echoinghis point that societyaggravatesthe problem by unfairly portraying lonely people as strange or inadequate.

很多讀者寫信來說，約瑟夫的故事引起了他們的共鳴——他們同樣感覺，這個社會把單身的人描述得怪異又不健全，這種不公平的刻板印象，進一步加劇了他們的痛苦。

strike a chord with: 引起共鳴

echo: 回應

aggravate: 加重、使……惡化

本來，單不單身、結不結婚、有沒有X生活，這些都是個人的事。別人管不著。

但這個社會就是這樣奇怪，喜歡將一些特定的人群貶低化、污名化。以至於「沒有對象」都能成為你的一個缺點，被各種本和你沒多大關係的人嚼舌根，不勝其煩。

不僅國內如此，原來國外也好不到哪去。

來看看這些寫信的人的故事：

Robert, male, 61

I have always been too worried about being laughed at and ridiculed.

I particularly hate comments like: "It"soverrated, you aren"tmissing out onmuch"; "You can"t miss what you"ve never had"; "Never had a woman! What are you gay?"

overrated: 對……估計過高

miss out on XX: 錯過了 XX

「overrated」那句話的意思是，「別太當回事兒啊，你也沒有失去太多嘛~」這種說不出是安慰還是笑裡藏刀的貶損，也是夠讓人難受的了。

Joy, female, 35

I have never even kissed a guy, never been on a date. What I would like to say is that people like me are not as rare as one might think. Popular culture will have you believe that everyone has a love life, and that is simply not true.

On the other hand, people who do have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or are actively dating, are usually quitevocalabout it.

I used to live in constant fear that people would find out that I have no dating experience. I felt I was living with a deep, dark secret. But as I got older I stopped caring about what people think.

vocal: 直言不諱的。這裡可以理解為，特別喜歡「秀恩愛」

這個小姐姐的話算是很扎心了。

很多有對象的人秀恩愛秀上了天，弄出了彷彿全世界都在戀愛的氛圍，你若是沒有對象，你就成了異類。

而這種「成為異類」的恐懼——尤其對於30多歲從未沒有過戀愛經歷的女性來說——滋味並不好受。

可是……我有沒有過戀愛經歷，現在是不是單身，跟你又有什麼關係呢？！

K, female, 32

Most the time, I feel just fine with my single life. I mostly think I would like to have had sex just to be "normal". To get it over and done with.

So it"s not such a Big Deal anymore; because the longer I wait, the more of a Big Deal it becomes.

單身？fine. 沒有過性經歷？fine.

雖然隨著年歲的增長，等待的時間不斷變長，讓人開始有些不那麼淡定，但這也會讓那一刻的到來變得更加重要嘛~

Unhappy Soul, male, 54

About 10 years ago I remember sitting with a group of friends over a drink and the subject came up of losing your virginity and I just fled the room when it came to my turn.

One of the others came out to find me and they"d assumed I"d had a bad experience of some kind. It didn"t occur to them that I had no experience to recount.

在一群哥們兒坐在一起侃大山吹牛皮，聊自己第一次啪啪啪的經歷時，自己卻只能默默逃開，這種感覺還真是不太好受啊……

Lennart, male, 60+

I have never kissed a girl and certainly never had sex. I have been interested in a number of girls/women over the years and made some unsuccessful attempts.

The closest I came a woman I liked was maybe 30 years ago. She was about 10 years younger and we were seeing each other for a period, as friends. We were sitting on my sofa talking about something and I put my arm around her shoulders and she didn"t protest. I thought I was dreaming. It couldn"t be true.

But she wasn"t interested in me in that way, so we just stayed friends.

回憶起30多年前自己和喜歡的姑娘最近距離的接觸，也就是並排坐在沙發上，把手搭在她肩膀上而已。

僅僅這樣簡單的接觸，也讓他覺得「這簡直不真實」「我一定在做夢」

只可惜落花有意流水無情，姑娘只是把他當朋友。好在人與人之間的感情並非只有兩性關係一種，能做朋友，也是不錯的選擇啊。

Chris, male, 42

I get told (often it is turned in to a joke) that I can just go and pay for it.Get it over with.But to me, that lacks any affection, there"s no emotionalintimacyin it, not even just simple caring. And I would like at least that.

I feel like I am different from other people. To beblunt, sometimes it makes me feel like I must be a monster. I just feel extremely alone, and, I guess, forgotten, in this world.

get over: 克服

intimacy: 親密（的行為）、性行為

blunt: 直率的

沒有愛情的感覺是怎樣的？這枚小哥算是說得比較扎心了。

本以為自己可以克服，但那種情感上的缺失、渴望被關愛與被需要的感覺，還是很讓人難受的。

如果碰巧周圍大多數的人都出雙入對秀，那就更難受了……正如小哥說的，他覺得自己極其的孤獨，彷彿被整個世界都遺忘了。

David, female, 45

I still remember when the filmThe 40-Year-Old-Virgincome out, and I wasmortifiedby it then, only being in my 30s. The advertising and premise of the film (I never saw it) made it sound like it was an absolutely enormous deal - like the titular character were someastounding aberration.

By this point, I feel like a number of women (possibly most of them!) assume that if I haven"t been married by 45, there must be something wrong with me. At times, I wonder that about myself.

mortify: 使……屈辱、羞愧

astounding: 令人震驚的

aberration: 失常

又是一個被「single shaming」給折磨的小姐姐。

我單身，我就是異類，我就一定有問題？堅定的人或許不會被輿論左右，但更多人依然會受其困擾，被各種風言風語所折磨。

甚至有時候，連自己也忍不住懷疑了起來：我是不是真的有什麼問題？

Ikram, male, 35

I am 35 years old and stillstruggle totalk to girls. I am still a virgin but the difference is lately I have tried to break this barrier and approached a few girls but I always get brutal rejection. I don"t know why.

And that sends me into another cycle of "No-one wants me," and then I am like, "I am OK... I don"t need to have anyone."

I blame my ethnicity, my religion and, when all else fails, my weight and my face. It"s not easy to be not wanted by anyone.

struggle to...: 很努力去做……（但依然很困難）

這枚小哥哥代表了另一種長期單身的群體：很努力想要擺脫單身，但卻不斷地在同異性接觸中受挫，以至於越來越不自信。

又被拒絕了，我究竟是哪裡有錯？出身不夠好？長得不好看？身材不好？……到底是什麼原因？？