一封致媽媽群姐妹們的信
親愛的美媽們，今天想和你們分享一封信，可能你們中的有一些讀過了，可能沒有。但是我堅信，這封信中的每個字，親愛的你們都感同身受，沒有誰比你:們更能理解這種特殊的情誼。
我們總盼著能夠得到來自家人，朋友的支持，我們理想中的畫面是這樣的:
然而卻事與願違，這些日子以來，我們印象中最美好的畫面都是這樣的：
寶媽們，
還記得和這些姐妹們一起走過了多少個不眠之夜么？
還記得和這些姐妹們去過了多少童趣、可愛、又難忘的地方嗎？
還記得你們從最開始認識到今天已經多久了么？
還記得你們已經一起給幾個寶貝，過了幾個生日了？
還記得你們像打怪一樣，闖過了多少個育兒關卡了？
還記得……
這是一個關於「後來的我們」的故事，取愛情而代之的，是難能可貴的「友情」，
我們說兩個人的情感關係，
如果「志同道合」，
如果「經風雨，共患難」
那基本上就離為了對方「上九天攬月，下五洋捉鱉」不遠了。
在這個世界上，似乎沒有這麼一個群體比媽媽群更能深刻的體會這兩條，而且還是共同體會。
我們都有嗷嗷待哺的寶寶，
我們都剛剛經歷了十根肋骨斷裂的分娩之痛，
我們都面對哺乳、產後恢復、心情復原的難題……
我們的遭遇是那麼相似，因為有彼此，我們變得不再孤獨。
下這篇文章來自Kirsty，在她寫這封信的時候，她已經和自己的美媽閨蜜們相識超過八年了。這八年里，她們有些人經歷了離異、有些人經歷了病痛、有些人遠渡重洋、有些人痛失親人，然而不管經歷什麼，她們始終攜手前行，孩子已經從過去的小寶寶，變成了小學生。她們也從過往的而立之年，走入了四十不惑。很多人往往害怕面對 「上有老，下有小」的所謂 「人到中年 」 ，但有的時候你就是會因為身邊有一些特殊的人，變得強大不已，無所畏懼。
希望這封信，也能安慰到正處在最初那幾年的你和你們……
親愛的姐妹們，
很快，就到了我們的第八個紀念日了。我最近真的很想念你們。也許是因為臨近四十；也許是這些年經歷的難事兒太多了，現在才開始愈發明白，誰才是對我來說最至關重要的人…
我想念你們在身邊的那些日子，尤其是在過往那些遭遇各種挫折、艱難、疼痛的歲月。我想念那些日子裡，因為有你們的存在，讓那些可怕的育兒難題在還沒到來之前，就被預警和克服了。你們總能讓我開懷大笑，笑的像是個孩子，因為有你們，我有的時候幾乎會忘了自己是一個負擔重重的「老母親」。
在過去的八年里，我們共同經歷了手術、離婚，而就在最近，我們還經歷了更加令人心碎的的事，永遠的失去摯愛的親人。後來的我們又有了二胎、三胎、四胎們，裝修了新的房子，搬了新家，甚至移居到了新的國家，然而，我至今忘不了那些日子裡我們party 過後，凌晨兩點在，陌生人家後院的泳池裡享受著「續攤」…至今忘不了我們幾個痛快的酩酊大醉後在那個印度餐廳里，讓桌上那些古怪的小裝飾小擺件全都消失了…
當時的小寶寶如今都已經上學了，有些姐們家的老大甚至都已經畢業了。
我們一起出去度假，最後在登機之前抱頭痛哭成一團，然後再痛哭一路，直到回家…
現在，我要告別我的三十歲了，生活不再是被尿不濕和奶瓶佔據了全部，取而代之的是孩子們學校的作息安排，周末的體育活動還有每天的三餐準備。即便伴隨著孩子的成長，我們心目中重要事項的優先順序轉變了無數次，我依然想讓你們明白，對我來說，你們有多麼重要。可能是因為我沒有姐妹，所以我才格外重視和你們之間的聯繫；也可能只是因為奇怪的荷爾蒙在作祟讓即將跨入四十歲的我變得格外脆弱。亦可能兩者都有。不論如何，那些我們並肩攜手走過的分娩，育兒，作為新媽媽的歲月，至今回顧，仍覺得不堪回首。
想說，幸好有你們。
在我的印象中……
當我的第一個孩子還很小的時候，我感覺所有的事情都不對（包括我的身體），一切都是全新的，陌生的。我感覺非常迷茫。我曾經質疑過那些老掉牙的傳統觀念——什麼「加個媽媽群」。
但是如今，我覺得如果沒有你們牽著我的手，我真不知道該以何種姿態應對生活帶給我的種種迎頭棒喝。
在那些日子裡，我們在「育兒」這個全新世界所經歷的艱苦卓絕，千奇百怪，接踵而至的一切讓我們的友誼變得和任何其他友誼都截然不同。
說實話，如果沒有你們，我真的不知道我該如何在最初的那些日子裡保持清醒。
當我最最焦慮不安的時候，當我因為整個育兒方法都完全不對，而幾乎不能呼吸的時候，當我把簡單的事情複雜化的時候，只要和你們聚聚聊一聊，一切就都迎刃而解了。
我知道我的寶寶是健康正常的，在育兒這件事上沒有那麼多的對與錯，只有適不適合，一切都由我自己來決定，只要適合我的家人，我自己也覺得舒服，那麼就是最好的選擇了。
所以，就算有些姐妹如今離我很遠很遠，但我們的心始終在一起。
有的時候，當我對自己的育兒方法產生極大地懷疑的時候，我都會問問自己，我的閨蜜們會怎麼說，想到你們，我很快就可以放鬆下來和釋然了。
每每想到我們的第一個寶寶還小的時候，我還會痴痴傻笑
我們就像一群快樂的小鴨子，驕傲地推著我們的小寶寶們，一起聊著餵奶，尿片，大便，老公，傷口，嬰兒車、吸奶器…就這樣聚在一起。
我們因為可以暫時逃離孤獨壓抑充滿屎尿屁，奶瓶、奶嘴、哭鬧不止的室內空間而興奮不已。在家的時候，似乎總是有干不完的活，我總是感覺很累，但我又不知道為什麼「永——遠——都——是——到處——一團亂麻」，似乎從來沒有一刻覺得，好了，都做完了，可以放鬆一下了。
所以，我很慶幸可以從你們那裡獲取有用的信息，積極的心態，我從你們身上學到了很多，充實了自己。
我逃離了家庭，在你們的陪伴下，我們帶著孩子去到了好多有趣的地方，孩子學到了很多，得以健康成長。我們一起坐輪渡，坐公交車，我們去了植物園，圖書館，海邊，咖啡廳，電影院，還有彼此的家裡。我們總有聊不完的天，吐不完的槽。
當我回到職場，和我的昔日同事重新坐在一起的時候，我竟然感受到了一種奇怪的隔閡。那些每天和我一起應對挑戰，可愛，善良，忠誠的人們已經不再是我的同事們了，而是你們，我親愛的姐妹們，是和你們的聊天讓我不再迷茫。
每一個新媽媽都需要一群姐妹們
這些天，當我看到一些媽媽獨自一人帶著小寶寶走在我們一起走過幾千遍的路上的時候，我都會想，她的姐妹淘呢？我希望她是有意讓自己擁有一些獨處冷靜的時間，而非還沒有找到組織。我希望她明天就可以和她的同伴們在一起，一起去迎接那無聊，糾結，崩潰，苦悶，充滿挑戰，卻又充滿驚喜的全新人生。
所以，當我吹滅生日蠟燭的時候也是我該作別自己30歲時光的時候了。我要舉杯致敬你們每一個人，我永遠感謝你們這些八年前的某天和我一起坐在社區母嬰健康中心的媽媽們，如果沒有遇到你們，我的人生就會缺少很多美好的時光，如果沒有你們，我一定會變成一個瘋狂、焦慮的媽媽，無所適從。
感恩有你.
Kirsty
Dear girls,
In the last eight years, we』ve been through operations, divorce and more recently, heartbreakingly, have lost loved ones. We』ve had subsequent children, renovated or moved house and uprooted and moved countries. We』ve been to parties that have ended with 2am swimming sessions in a stranger』s backyard pool. Boozy nights at local Indian restaurants have resulted in the disappearance of odd knick-knacks and table decorations. Our kids have started school and some of us have kids who』ve finished school. We』ve holidayed together and cried at the end of it all before boarding separate aircraft. And then cried again all the way home.
So, as I say goodbye to my thirties, life has become less dominated by nappies and is shaped more by school routine, weekend sport and meal planning. As priorities shift, I want you to know how special you are to me. Perhaps my lack of sisters is one of the reasons I feel such a strong connection to you all. I don』t know. Maybe something horribly hormonal is happening as I』m approaching the age of forty. Maybe both. Either way, as I look back, I』m appalled that I really didn』t know how incredible those early days we shared as new mothers really were.
What I do know is this …
When my first baby was little and everything (including my own body) felt so strange and new and alien, I felt quite lost. I was dubious about the old fashioned idea of joining a mother』s group but now I』m not sure how I would have coped without having you girls to hold my hand. Sharing the weirdness of this whole new world of parenting has made our friendship different from any other relationship I have known.
In fact, without you, I』m not sure if I would have stayed sane in those early days. When my anxiety was at its worst, when it was difficult to breathe because I didn』t feel that I was getting the whole mother thing right, when making simple decisions felt like astrophysics, I』d meet with you all for a few hours and be able to breathe again. I』d see that my baby was normal, there weren』t too many right or wrong answers and it was just up to me to work out what I felt worked for my family. So, even if some of you are now very, very far away, you are never far from my thoughts. If ever my chest tightens at the idea my parenting strategies are going to cause some lasting, horrific damage, I ask myself 「What would the girls say?」 and the fist in my chest begins to relax and release its grip.
I still giggle when I think of us walking together when our first babies were small
Like a line of happy ducks, proudly pushing our offspring, we chatted about breasts and milk and bottles and poo and vaginas and partners and scarred bellies and prams and work … and we』d just met.
I was so happy to be outside the four oppressive walls of the house. At home, no job was ever seen through to the end and I was so tired and I couldn』t explain why everything was such a mess — all. of. the. time. Never did I feel: 「Ah ha! All jobs are complete. Time to relax.」
So, I fed on your collective energy and positivity. I watched and learned from you all and was nourished in the process. I escaped the home and as my baby changed and grew I took him here, there and everywhere with you girls by my side. We took ferries and buses, went to the Botanical Gardens, libraries, beaches, cafes, movies and each other』s homes. And we never, ever ran out of conversation.
When I went back to work part time and reconnected with old work mates, I remember feeling a weird sense of disconnection. These people with whom I now met daily challenges were lovely, kind and loyal but were no longer my chief colleagues. You girls were. It was your company and your conversations I now felt lost without.
All new mums need a gaggle of sisters
These days, when I see a woman walking alone with her new bubba on the same stretch we walked a million times, I wonder: where is her gaggle of sisters? I hope for her sake that she is enjoying some alone time on purpose. I hope that she will be with her colleagues tomorrow. I hope that together they will digest all the boring, weird, wonderful, disgusting things going on in their new lives.
So, as I blow out my birthday candles and say goodbye to my 30』s, I will also raise my glass to you all. I am forever grateful that you were the mothers put in my path at the Baby Health Centre eight years ago. My life now would be much less shiny without having met you and my crazy, anxious voice would certainly be much louder without you girls in my head to drown her out.
Loads of love to you all,
Kirsty.
xxx
