工作和生活中屢被「侵犯」 是因為：缺乏個人邊界

01

在工作中,你是不是那種別人經常被同事拜託,做一些不屬於自己工作職責範圍之內的事?一不小心就答應幫同事做個PPT、想個方案,所以經常加班到很晚。

上司總愛在休息時間找你,你不得不時時刻刻回復響應對方,甚至幫對方做一些私人的事。

不管是同事還是上司,看起來都在工作上「侵犯」你,提出不正當的要求,讓你做很多不該你做的事。

雖然不情願,但是出於擔心得罪上司或同事的心理,你還是會應承下來,然而這些人並不會因為你的好意而停止,反而會變本加厲地來找你......

為什麼同事不找別人幫忙,偏偏找上你?只是因為你ppt做得好?為什麼上司休息時間不找其他人而找你?僅僅因為你盡責的態度?

而你之所以遭此待遇,或許不是因為你的上司、同事欺人太甚,而是因為你「過度柔軟」,缺乏個人邊界,讓人不由自主會「侵犯」你。

At work , Are you the kind ofpeople who are often asked by colleagues , Do something that doesn"t fall within your jobresponsibilities ? I"m not careful and I"mgoing to give my co-worker snod PPT, think of a solution , So often work overtime late.

Your boss always loves to find you during his break. , You have to respond to each other all the time. , Even help the other person do some personalthings.

Whether it"s a co-worker or a boss. , Seems to be "violating" you at work. , Make an improper claim , Let you do a lot of things you shouldn"t do.

Although reluctant , But out of fear ofoffending a boss or co-worker, ,You"re stillgoing to take it. , But these people don"tstop because of your kindness. ,and willcome to you even harder.......

Why don"t co-workers ask for help? , I"m looking for you. ? Just because of you. pptWell done. ? Why does your boss lookfor you without looking for someone else during the break? ? Just because of your conscientious attitude.?

And the reason you"re being treated this way , Maybeit"s not because your boss and co-workers are too deceiving. , butbecause you"re "too soft." , Lack of personal boundaries , Involuntarily,people can "invade" you.

02

什麼是個人邊界?

個人邊界是指一個人所建立的準則、限度,以此來區分什麼是合理的、安全的,什麼是能夠被允許的,以及當別人越過這些界限時自己應該如何應對。

在職場中,一個缺乏邊界感的人,往往會被上司、同事「侵犯」,違背自己的本意做一些職責範圍之外的事。為了維護、保持與上司、同事保持的良好關係,難以拒絕對方的拜託和請求。

What is a personal boundary??

Personal boundaries are the norms, limits established by a person,to distinguish between what is reasonable andsafe.,What is allowed,and how to deal with others when they cross theseboundaries.

In the workplace,A man who lacks a senseof border.,Often"violated" by bosses and co-workers, Do something outside ofyour duty against yourintentions. In order to maintain and maintain a good relationship with yourboss and co-workers,,it is difficult to refusethe other person"s request and request.

03

什麼樣的人缺乏邊界感?

低自尊、低價值感

通常,那些在工作上為了和上司、同事維持良好的關係,而去做違背自己本意和職責範圍內的事的人,往往擁有較低的自尊。他們時時刻刻有一種「欠缺感」,認為自己的工作能力不足,需要用其他事來彌補。於是成天小心翼翼,擔心拒絕同事、上司的要求而導致工作不保。

一個在工作中擁有核心競爭力、能夠創造價值的人,是不會刻意討好別人,做自己不願意、不應該做的事,做好自己的份內工作,才是正事。

太在乎別人的看法

大五人格認為,人格特質由神經質、外向性、開放性、宜人性、盡責型五個維度構成,其中神經質得分高的人,對別人的情緒很敏感,也很在乎別人對自己的評價。

人是社會性動物,需要通過觀察別人的態度來調節自己的言行,以確保自己的行為是得當的。而太過在乎別人的看法,往往會導致個人失去自我,忽視、違背自己的本意,答應對方不正當的要求,以此來換得同事、上司的喜愛、認同。

What kind of people lack a sense of border?

Low self-esteem, low sense of value

Usually,,Those who maintain goodrelationships with their superiors and co-workers at work,and to do something against his will and withinhis or her responsibilities.,Tendto haslow self-esteem. They always have a sense of "lack",they lack their ability,to work and need to make up for it with other things. Soall day carefully, worried about refusing the request of,colleagues, superiors, resulting in job insecurity.

A person who has core competitiveness and can create value at work,it"s not going to please people.,Do things you don"t want and you shouldn"t do,Do your part of your job,That"s the right thing to do.

Too much care about what other people think.

Big Five Personality Thinks,Personalitytraits are composed of five dimensions: neuroticism, extroverting, openness,pleasantness and due diligence.,people withhigh neurotic scores,Sensitive to otherpeople"s emotions,I also care about whatother people think of themselves.

Man is a social animal.,You need to adjust yourwords and actions by observing the attitudes of others.,To make sure your actions are done properly. Andtoo much care about other people"s views, often lead to,individuals lose themselves,,ignore, against their own intentions,,Agree to the other party"s improper request,,in order to get colleagues, superiors love, recognition.

04

那麼,如何在工作中樹立個人邊界?

樹立原則、底線

想清楚在工作中什麼是你不能接受的。哪些底線是可調的,哪些是不可調的。

如果不管什麼情況,都堅持底線,會讓人覺得太不近人情,不懂變通。給予底線一個可調的範圍,才是理想的個人邊界。

表明態度

有時候,生氣也是一種態度。當對方提出了過分的要求,不用努力裝出一團和氣的樣子,把不滿表現出來,可以讓對方意識到你生氣的信號,也知道了你的底線在哪裡。

如果一直都是笑呵呵的樣子,不生氣也不拒絕,對方便不知道你的底線在哪裡,會不停地提出過分的請求。一旦你表明了底線,你的同事、上司便不會再作出「踩線」的舉動。

你是什麼態度,別人就對你什麼態度。建立原則、底線才是在工作中保護自己的方法。

So, what"s,How to establish personalboundaries at work?

Set up principles, bottom line

Think about what you can"t accept at work. Which bottom lines areadjustable,which are iradjustable.

If anything,,They"re all sticking tothe bottom line.,It"s going to make peoplefeel too untouched.,I don"t know how to beflexible. Giving the bottom line an adjustable range,is the ideal personal boundary.

Show attitude

Sometimes.,Being angry is also anattitude. When the other side made excessive demands,without trying to pretend to be a group of feelings,to show their dissatisfaction,Let the other person realize the signal that you areangry,know where your bottom line is.

If i"ve been smiling,,Don"t be angry and don"trefuse.,For convenience don"tknow where your bottom line is,will keepmaking excessive requests. Once you"ve made the bottom line,,your co-workers and supervisors won"t be "steppingon the line" again.

What"s your attitude? , What do people have to say about you? Building principles and bottom lines is theway to protect yourself at work.

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